I Am Not a Princess

I don’t know if you’ve been to Disney World recently, but when you walk in, they greet you by saying “Good Morning Princess!” The last time I went to Disney world I was 25 years old.  This was disconcerting on many levels.  First, I am grown.  I don’t pretend I’m a princess anymore.  Second, what on earth is up with telling all the girls out there that they are princesses too? 

I am the daughter of an American History buff and according to him (as he loves to point out on a very regular basis) and everything I learned about the topic in school, monarchy in America died 238 years ago. I think most of us are pretty pleased about that.  People DIED so that we don’t have to use the terms king, queen, prince and princess anymore. I recognize that this may seem like a silly argument for this cause (although my father would argue that it is not a silly argument at all), because after all, they are just playing make believe.  However, what I am actually concerned about here has little to do with American History and everything to do with the psyche of girls today.  

Growing up, my dad told my sister and I we looked nice (note: not beautiful, not pretty, not like a princess) once a week.  It was on Sunday, before church and it bordered on ritualistic.  I didn’t think a lot about it.  I was not raised to think I was beautiful.  A lot of you are really sad for me right now and are thinking my parents are terrible people. Don’t be.  They aren’t terrible people, in fact, they are great people. I was raised to be more than pretty.  I was raised to be a lot of things: witty, intelligent, independent, self-sufficient, educated, kind, compassionate, God-fearing and Christ centered, to name a few. Not that I live all of those out all the time, but those were the values that were instilled in me.  

Is there a place for feeling pretty and beautiful? Absolutely.  I don’t want little girls going around thinking they’re ugly, that’s no good either. Bullying brought on by appearances is a very real problem.  However, I am concerned about all this princess stuff. I am concerned that we are telling little girls that if they aren’t pretty, by a disney princess definition, then they are not valuable and frankly, that makes me sick to my stomach.  All parents think their daughters are beautiful and that’s good, they should.  But they are telling them that so frequently that little girls are starting to see themselves as beautiful, rather than any number of other positive traits.  Beauty is fleeting.  It doesn’t last forever and I don’t want an entire life to be based on prettiness.  We have more purpose than that.  

My future daughter will probably hate me because I hope I will be much more inclined to call her my little engineer, attorney, doctor, teacher, hair dresser, mother, intellect, Christian, daughter of the most high God, whatever she wants to be that’s actually feasible, rather than calling her my little princess.  Princess is not an attainable goal for our girls. I have been around enough little girls to know that the obsession is real.  I understand that it’s make believe and I love disney world as much as the next person.  I went two years in a row on spring break in college.  For Halloween when I was 4, against the will of my parents, who desperately wanted me to be a Claire-inet (get it?), I insisted on being a princess.  Trust me, I get the appeal.  I like make up and clothes as much as the next girl.  However, by using the term “princess” so frequently, we are encouraging girls pretend that they are something we would never want them to be.  Why would we want our little girls to aspire to be something that they were born into, or married into and didn’t earn? Why can our girls not be satisfied just being who they are? 

I am Claire.  I am a woman, I am a teacher, I am a Christian, I am a friend, I am a daughter and a sister.  I am not a princess.  

We are letting our girls latch on to the notion they deserve material things.  “Being treated like a princess” is a common term that we use and we allow our little girls to think they deserve this. If we are talking about “being treated like a princess” in terms of being respected, having our opinions heard and not being run over by men, then by all means, carry on.  However, I’m afraid our definition of “being treated like a princess” is more concerned with material possessions and an attitude that demands we are given whatever our hearts desire.  I don’t think that’s an attitude anyone wants their daughter to grow up with. Or maybe they do and I guess at that point we have bigger fish to fry.  

There are a number of internet articles out that that discuss how we talk to girls.  This one in particular, I love.  I’m not big on statistics, mostly because I am of the opinion that we can make statistics say whatever we want.  However, in this article she says that 25% of girls would rather win America’s Next Top Model than the Nobel Peace Prize. If this is even remotely true, we have to ask ourselves what on earth we are doing! This is so wrong! 

Women have come so far in the last 75 years in America.  We can go to college, we can participate in whatever career we desire, we can vote, we can make major purchases on our own, we can live independently.  These are really important accomplishments, ones that I am SO grateful for, ones that we should thank God for every day.  However, looking at the way media portrays women, or listening to how men talk about women in songs on the radio, or for that matter, how women talk about themselves on the radio, we take steps backward.  

So is it inherently wrong to call little girls princesses? Probably not.  But, what are we teaching her about who she is? Is calling her a princess going to make her a better person? I’m afraid that we are creating a generation of self-centered, materialistic, beauty-centric (I just made that word up) girls.  It makes me sad.  There is so much potential out there in little girls and I’m afraid we are limiting their potential to their appearances and what they can obtain from men.  

I recognize that I am not an expert on this particular issue.  Facebook reminds me every day that I am not a wife or a mother.  However, I am female.  I am a teacher.  I have worked with girls of all ages on a regular basis for quite a while now.  Long enough to know there’s a problem and long enough to know that if women are ever going to reach their full potential, then we have to drop the princess attitude.