Arby's: Employer of the Strange

So. Normally, I wouldn't think much of this recent Arby's experience, except for my previous experience with the Roast Beef kings.

So, running late for church and having spent the last hour listening to a student tell me about what the world would be like if the earth was a flaming ball of fire and molten rock, while he was supposed to be making up work, I decided there was no time for dinner at home, so I opted for a Claire Kinney favorite and one of the few options that Paris offers.

I order as usual (#1 NOT with water this time..I had learned my lesson all too well). Went through paid as usual. However before I get my food from the woman working, she says, "WHAT ARE THEM PINK SHOES!??"

I'm thinking...What in the name of President Obama's personal cigarette roller are you talking about? See, I am not known for a particularly clean car...and heaven only knows what the heck is in my back seat.

"What?" (I obviously needed to clarify...not only did I not know what shoes she was talking about, but what on earth does the question "What are them pink shoes?" even mean? Did she want to know their function in my life, their brand, their type? I had no stinking idea.)

She repeats herself, "THEM PINK SHOES!! IN THE BACK!"

At this point, I actually have to turn around and look, because I really have NO clue what she's talking about.

Come to find out, she's referring the the shoes I wore in my dear friend Maggie's wedding in July. Had she looked harder she also would have seen the dress and bouquet that matched.

But the question still remains...how am I supposed to answer the question, "WHAT ARE THEM PINK SHOES?!"

My response? "Uhh. Yeah. I wore those in a wedding."

She responds, "WELL! THEM ARE THE CUTEST PINK SHOES I'VE EVER SEEN!!"

Me: "Uhhh. Thanks..."

Then she handed me my food and asked if I needed ketchup, arby's sauce or horsey sauce. I responded that I would absolutely adore some Arby's sauce and Ketchup, she handed me a hand full of horsey sauce and I was on my way.

Arby's never fails to be an interesting experience. God bless roast beef.

Claire

Some Things to Consider:

1. Student quote (I know this was already my facebook status...but it's too great to not repeat):
A boy wearing Ugg boots for "Boot out Drugs" day, borrowed from a female classmate. "Dang Miss Kinney, now I know why girls wear these things all the time! It's like walking on an ANGEL CLOUD! Like that one toilet paper! That's what it's like!"
Fair point...those bad boys are comfortable...even though they are extraordinarily unattractive.

2. It's drug awareness week. So far we've had "Be All You Can Be Camo Day," "Boot out Drugs day" and "Hat's off to a Drug Free Life." This is all culminating tomorrow in college day. I of course get to rep the trojans. I am beyond excited.

Of Hot Pants and Convicts

Two stories for you this evening:

1. One time Melissa Coffey came to my apartment. She got bored and needed coffee while I was at work. She decides to turn left in search of a coffee shop or gas station. Mistake. Long story short...she's basically stalked by a wacky guy in a car with tinted windows and has basically thought I live in the hood ever since. Disclaimer before I tell you the actual story. I do not live in the ghetto...although my apartment may be near a few ghettos and is basically just a really busy area, so there are a lot of people. All that to say...I'm afraid she may have been right. I am always able to hear what people are listening to on their car radios or if they're walking...I can definitely tell what they are talking about. This is what I hear today, "Yeah man. I just got out of jail last night!" Greeatttt..

2. Last night I had the weirdest dream of my life. I dreamt that I was at school. Doing my normal science awesome thing. When all of the sudden a new student appeared at my door. He was very tall and happened to be wearing only see through tights with lace underwear underneath and a ratty black t-shirt that came to his belly button. (Yes. You read HE correctly). Naturally, being my dress code enforcing self...I told the student that he would probably need to go home and return with something more decent on. The student replied that he would rather not and proceeded to grab me by the back of the neck and strangle me as he dragged me down the hallway. I survived and people watched it happened, but then he let me go and everyone was just like, "oh..go to class, no biggie." No one cared that some kid had just made his WWE wrestling moves a reality on me. I don't know what to make of this. Let's hope dreams don't become a reality. Also. The student wasn't just a made up character...he was this creepy kid that was in my German class my freshman year of high school who always wore hot pink plastic pants to school and occasionally a shirt that hit at his belly button. I never spoke to him... but he's obviously left a lasting impression.

Claire

Some Things to Consider:

I'm lacking today...the last time I lacked was when I dreamed that I was late for the first day of school. I seriously need to hold off on these bizarro dreams...they're effecting my steeze (which according to urban dictionary can be spelled either steeze or steaze...i chose steeze...but you'll have to decide which version you like better...i like this choose your own spelling game...)

Wal Mart: Land of Fun and Opportunity.

A few things happened during my trip to Wal Mart today.

1. I saw one of my students while I was walking in. He pretended he didn't know me. Classic 8th grade. This is why I have to teach the 2s and 3s at church...they have no problems showing affection...even if it is in the form of blowing their nose on me.

2. A conversation:
Old Man: Hey Lady. (clearly directed at me)
Me: Yeah?
Old Man: What the hell is this thing?
Me: Umm. A Peach?
Old Man: Well. You sure as heck wouldn't know it. It's not labeled. Come look and see if you see a label.
Me: Okay...(I look)...I don't see one.
Old Man: Sheesh. Just making sure it wasn't my old eyes. I guess they just can't bother to label their peaches these days.

3. The man who pushes the carts back into the store from the parking lot told me that if more customers were like me and pushed their carts in, Wal Mart would be a better place. Good words.


Peace Love and Rollbacks,

Claire

Some Things to Consider:

1. Couples have SPROUTED at school. The kids are seriously all over each other. Yesterday a couple kept calling each other baby during class. "Hey baby, hand me the colored pencils." "Okay baby" and then (different couple entirely) a guy waves at his girlfriend to get her attention, then mouths Hey, I Love You and winks. Seriously people...I know this is the most hormone filled time of your life, but let's at least keep it in the hallway.

2. Haley is coming in town this weekend and this kid is BEYOND excited!

Owen Kinney: The Cat, The Myth, The Legend

There are a few things to accomplish with this blog:

1. Tell you about my cat, Owen.



I don't care if you hate cats...if you don't find this cat cute...you are probably in cahoots with satan.

Also. Go ahead and call me a crazy cat lady. I'm fine with it. Someone told me (actually it was more than one someone) that it "all starts with just one cat." Well. I can tell you...I am far too obsessed with this one to endanger him with another one. Further also. I hope he grows up to be huge and fat.

2. To tell you that one of the first things this little charmer did when he got home was to take a massive dump in my shoe. A poo so nasty I had to throw away the shoes. I love him a little more for it.

3. To make a proclamation that I sincerely miss Taylor...especially my dear friends from there. How is it possible that we are all adults now, and talk about things like jobs and insurance? eekk.

4. To make this a really short post because everyone says my blog posts are too long. I prefer to think that people are just too lazy to read...but at the end of the day...it's all about the audience.

So there you have it. Short and sweet. Probably not as short and sweet as it could have been, but let's be honest...I'm just the kind of person who has a lot to say.


Claire

Some Things to Consider:

I had to fill out more paper work to adopt a cat than I did to gain employment. It was pretty intense...my palms sweated a little.

I got a new drivers license the other day. Typically here in the LEX there is a delightful man who looks like Elvis who takes the pictures. He wasn't there. It was heartbreak hotel for this kid when I didn't get my hunk a hunk a burnin driver's license.

Don't hate me too much for the cheesiness that was that last sentence.