It's no secret that I don't exactly teach in the inner city. I used to get frustrated in college because they would talk so much about teaching the urban child...and I am far from using those skills. In fact...I wanted to share with you some things I've seen or dealt with in the last year and some change.
1. Frequently absent students for the following things:
- Working on the farm today
- Showing hogs/goats/sheep at the state fair
- National live stock convention
- Hunting Season (I'll have boys gone for a week at a time for this one...)
2. Last year I had a huge issue with students tracking mud into my room on their boots.
3. Yesterday, I literally witnessed someone lassoing in the parking lot. I am not even joking.
4. Every time we talk about sustainable energy they get really concerned that the government's going to take away their diesel trucks.
5. When a student got in trouble for bringing alcohol to school...it was moonshine.
6. When I moved into my classroom, which has walls of drawers on three sides...a lot of the drawers had dip spit in them.
7. All kids (honors kids, preppy kids, punk kids, gothy kids, ALL) sign up to take agriculture I in high school.
8. Once I had a student who was hurt...when I asked him what was wrong, he said...well. I kicked a cow...and he kicked me back.
9. During spirit week, on camo day, I wore army camo...I was the only one because everyone else was wearing hunting camo.
10. The high school championships sign reads as follows:
Band: AAA State champions
Football: AA State Champions
FFA: State Champions
I didn't know FFAs competed!
Ah well. That's my school and I love it dearly. I wouldn't trade my good ole boys and girls for the world. Most days.
Peace, Love and Cow Manure,
Claire
Some Things to Consider:
1. I assigned a project a few weeks back that was due today. I had 30 kids who didn't turn it in. Naturally I went ballistic. I made them write essays about why they chose not to do their project. If you ever want a packet of the craziest and dumbest excuses you've ever read...I'll let you borrow these essays. Holy cow. I think 4 people had cousins gets in wrecks. At least 10 had malfunctioning computers that refused to save their work. Absolutely nuts. One precious child told me that honestly, he would just rather be playing football...so that's what he did. Aces.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Neighbor Dan
I don't think I've shared with you about Neighbor Dan yet. Neighbor Dan and I share the upstairs of the building I live in, including a delightful patio that has a nice rocking chair and view of the parking lot.
I have counted the number of words Neighbor Dan and I have said to each other and at present, after having lived next door to each other for a year, I think the total is somewhere around 20. 20 total words ever. 7 of those words were a time that I looked out my door and he was standing there and he said: "you scared the s**t out of me." I really have no idea what Neighbor Dan does with his life...I think I heard him talking to one of his girl friends about college one time, so my best guess is grad student. However, I'm also pretty sure he's in a band.
Some Things I Know About Neighbor Dan:
1. Neighbor Dan has two modes of transportation. The first is a motorcycle that he works on constantly. Sometimes when he works on it he grunts at me as I walk in...don't worry I counted those as words in the total word count. His other mode of transportation is a creeper van. Like full fledged humongous van. Sometimes he blocks me in with his creeper van and when he finally comes down I give him a look and he gives me an apologetic look and moves. NO words necessary for these types of interactions.
2. Neighbor Dan loves his vices. He absolutely loves chain smoking on our patio. He also loves drinking on our patio. He further loves leaving the remnants of both of these activities on our patio. Also found on our patio: A jean suit, including matching pants and jacket. I'm not really sure how they got there...nor am I sure I want to know how.
3. Neighbor Dan hates clothes. I wish I had a dollar for every time I have come home to Neighbor Dan sitting on the patio in his underwear, chain smoking and drinking. It's delightful. I always say hey. He always just looks at me.
4. Neighbor Dan loves the ladies. Usually there is a lady sitting and chain smoking and drinking with him. I've seen two different ones. One looked to be about 45...the other looks to be about 16...I would say Neighbor Dan is somewhere in the realm of 25. Nice.
Neighbor Dan and I have had one true conversation. It went like this:
Me: "Hey. Just wanted to let you know my car got broken into last night, so we should probably be on the lookout for shadsters."
ND: "Yeah. Once I saw a guy sitting in our driveway in a lawn chair. I told him to leave."
Me: "Wow."
ND: "Yeah."
The most words I've ever heard out of his mouth. Eh. One day ND and I will be BFF. I just know it. If he doesn't move out first.
Peace, Love and Cigarettes on my Porch,
Claire
P.S. I only know Dan's real name because I creeped on his mail box out of curiosity.
I have counted the number of words Neighbor Dan and I have said to each other and at present, after having lived next door to each other for a year, I think the total is somewhere around 20. 20 total words ever. 7 of those words were a time that I looked out my door and he was standing there and he said: "you scared the s**t out of me." I really have no idea what Neighbor Dan does with his life...I think I heard him talking to one of his girl friends about college one time, so my best guess is grad student. However, I'm also pretty sure he's in a band.
Some Things I Know About Neighbor Dan:
1. Neighbor Dan has two modes of transportation. The first is a motorcycle that he works on constantly. Sometimes when he works on it he grunts at me as I walk in...don't worry I counted those as words in the total word count. His other mode of transportation is a creeper van. Like full fledged humongous van. Sometimes he blocks me in with his creeper van and when he finally comes down I give him a look and he gives me an apologetic look and moves. NO words necessary for these types of interactions.
2. Neighbor Dan loves his vices. He absolutely loves chain smoking on our patio. He also loves drinking on our patio. He further loves leaving the remnants of both of these activities on our patio. Also found on our patio: A jean suit, including matching pants and jacket. I'm not really sure how they got there...nor am I sure I want to know how.
3. Neighbor Dan hates clothes. I wish I had a dollar for every time I have come home to Neighbor Dan sitting on the patio in his underwear, chain smoking and drinking. It's delightful. I always say hey. He always just looks at me.
4. Neighbor Dan loves the ladies. Usually there is a lady sitting and chain smoking and drinking with him. I've seen two different ones. One looked to be about 45...the other looks to be about 16...I would say Neighbor Dan is somewhere in the realm of 25. Nice.
Neighbor Dan and I have had one true conversation. It went like this:
Me: "Hey. Just wanted to let you know my car got broken into last night, so we should probably be on the lookout for shadsters."
ND: "Yeah. Once I saw a guy sitting in our driveway in a lawn chair. I told him to leave."
Me: "Wow."
ND: "Yeah."
The most words I've ever heard out of his mouth. Eh. One day ND and I will be BFF. I just know it. If he doesn't move out first.
Peace, Love and Cigarettes on my Porch,
Claire
P.S. I only know Dan's real name because I creeped on his mail box out of curiosity.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
The Name Game
I love my name. True story. If you ever see me in public, I am never too far from a monogram of my initials. I just really like it. Kudos parents you did a great job. However, there are two bones I would like to pick with my name.
1. Claire: Number of Letters = 6
Louise: Number of Letters = 6
Kinney: Number of Letters = 6
As a child I was convinced I was the anti-christ. I'm not even kidding, until like 5th grade when my Sunday School teacher confirmed that the anti-christ was male, I was terrified that I was going to become the anit-christ as an adult.
I asked my mom if she considered this when she named me, she said that yes she did, but she figured I'd just get married and it wouldn't be a problem anymore. And so began my hunt for a man without 6 letters in his last name. I would be lying to you if I told you I didn't count almost every males last name that I come in contact with just in case. For the record, I have never dated a boy with a last name with 6 letters. Also, on that note...good grief mother, what if I don't get married or marry someone with six letters!? I'm stuck as the anti-christ for life! I also try to come up with other people who have this situation to help me feel better about myself...but I've never met anyone with 6 letters in every name...which does not comfort me. I would also be lying if I told you I didn't pray about it sometimes...just as a precaution.
2. Claire Louise is not what one would consider a fashionable or even modern name. Let's be real. There are very few Claires in the world and there definitely aren't a lot of Louises...except for the fact that 3/8 in my house senior year of college had that middle name...Claire is an old name. I like it, I'm fine with it...I mean...I'd much rather be Claire than some crazy new age name like Rain or Sky. Really I had no issue with this at all until I saw The Breakfast Club...here is why: (excuse the blurry clip)
So there you have it. Claire Louise Kinney. A great name...but not without its hell sentences or fat girl implications.
Peace, Love and Judd Nelson,
Claire
1. Claire: Number of Letters = 6
Louise: Number of Letters = 6
Kinney: Number of Letters = 6
As a child I was convinced I was the anti-christ. I'm not even kidding, until like 5th grade when my Sunday School teacher confirmed that the anti-christ was male, I was terrified that I was going to become the anit-christ as an adult.
I asked my mom if she considered this when she named me, she said that yes she did, but she figured I'd just get married and it wouldn't be a problem anymore. And so began my hunt for a man without 6 letters in his last name. I would be lying to you if I told you I didn't count almost every males last name that I come in contact with just in case. For the record, I have never dated a boy with a last name with 6 letters. Also, on that note...good grief mother, what if I don't get married or marry someone with six letters!? I'm stuck as the anti-christ for life! I also try to come up with other people who have this situation to help me feel better about myself...but I've never met anyone with 6 letters in every name...which does not comfort me. I would also be lying if I told you I didn't pray about it sometimes...just as a precaution.
2. Claire Louise is not what one would consider a fashionable or even modern name. Let's be real. There are very few Claires in the world and there definitely aren't a lot of Louises...except for the fact that 3/8 in my house senior year of college had that middle name...Claire is an old name. I like it, I'm fine with it...I mean...I'd much rather be Claire than some crazy new age name like Rain or Sky. Really I had no issue with this at all until I saw The Breakfast Club...here is why: (excuse the blurry clip)
So there you have it. Claire Louise Kinney. A great name...but not without its hell sentences or fat girl implications.
Peace, Love and Judd Nelson,
Claire
Monday, September 12, 2011
I seem to have a knack for attracting hurt animals...
I don't know what it is about me that makes hurt animals come into my line of vision so frequently. Maybe I just notice them more than the average person because I'm a monster animal lover? Maybe I'm just destined to a life of watching gross things? Either way, I have a story about a bat for you.
Today my kiddos competed in the metric olympics. Super exciting right? I mean because everyone is dying to measure how far they can run in three seconds in METERS or take the mass of a handful of paperclips using GRAMS. Let's be real the metric system is just really amazing. So easy. So precise. Just really great. It's a darn shame we Americans are too stuck in our ways to actually utilize it. Speaking of...here's a comic I found about the metric system. Read and Laugh. Hard. Try to ignore the mildly inappropriate subtext and the line about gerbil anatomy.
Isn't science humor the best? I mean seriously... I knew I was in a good class the day my geology professor opened with this line...."Welcome to Geology. This class rocks." HA. Kudos Prof. Kudos.
Anyway, back to the bat. My kids were competing in some ferociously competitive metric olympics...not really...when the other teacher and I notice a shivering bat laying on the ground. AGH. Seriously. A bat? It's probably rabid...not to mention if it bites you you'll definitely turn into Dracula..Needless to say, I was a little stressed for the safety of my dear and precious students...who already have Dracula like characteristics. They're super cranky during the day and they frequently bite each other's necks. One bat bite and those kids are chasing me with teeth bared...don't worry though...I had my meter stick at the ready in case I needed to use a wooden stake on one of them.
My fear for the kids aside, there was a shivering bat laying on the ground that I was a little stressed for...he looked so scared. We called the school nurse...but she was no help...apparently they don't teach you what to do about sickly bats at nursing school...personally, I think she was ripped off in her education. So. We did what all good teachers do to scary and bad situations...we ignored it.
At the end of class, we looked over and the bat was gone. The bat did not seem like he was in any state to fly, so I was a little curious as to how this happened. It's at this point that a kid comes up and tells me that he poked the bat with his pencil until he flew away. Wow. I haven't gotten to my ecology leavenaturealoneyoucrazychild unit yet...but come on...really? I asked the kid if he would like it if someone came up to him and poked him until he flew away. He said yes. Typical. I thought about trying it out in hopes that it would work...but decided against it. Ah well.
Peace, Love and Dracula,
Claire
Some Things to Consider:
1. Bachelor Pad is on tonight. I am ashamed to admit that this has been getting me through the day. Seriously, my drama scale is sitting around a -4 right now, so I have to watch other people's to keep myself occupied...not that mine is ever very high...but that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.
2. I seriously almost just typed that Owen's biting habit was getting much better...but then he bit me...in his sleep...so I guess I'll retract that statement.
Today my kiddos competed in the metric olympics. Super exciting right? I mean because everyone is dying to measure how far they can run in three seconds in METERS or take the mass of a handful of paperclips using GRAMS. Let's be real the metric system is just really amazing. So easy. So precise. Just really great. It's a darn shame we Americans are too stuck in our ways to actually utilize it. Speaking of...here's a comic I found about the metric system. Read and Laugh. Hard. Try to ignore the mildly inappropriate subtext and the line about gerbil anatomy.
Isn't science humor the best? I mean seriously... I knew I was in a good class the day my geology professor opened with this line...."Welcome to Geology. This class rocks." HA. Kudos Prof. Kudos.
Anyway, back to the bat. My kids were competing in some ferociously competitive metric olympics...not really...when the other teacher and I notice a shivering bat laying on the ground. AGH. Seriously. A bat? It's probably rabid...not to mention if it bites you you'll definitely turn into Dracula..Needless to say, I was a little stressed for the safety of my dear and precious students...who already have Dracula like characteristics. They're super cranky during the day and they frequently bite each other's necks. One bat bite and those kids are chasing me with teeth bared...don't worry though...I had my meter stick at the ready in case I needed to use a wooden stake on one of them.
My fear for the kids aside, there was a shivering bat laying on the ground that I was a little stressed for...he looked so scared. We called the school nurse...but she was no help...apparently they don't teach you what to do about sickly bats at nursing school...personally, I think she was ripped off in her education. So. We did what all good teachers do to scary and bad situations...we ignored it.
At the end of class, we looked over and the bat was gone. The bat did not seem like he was in any state to fly, so I was a little curious as to how this happened. It's at this point that a kid comes up and tells me that he poked the bat with his pencil until he flew away. Wow. I haven't gotten to my ecology leavenaturealoneyoucrazychild unit yet...but come on...really? I asked the kid if he would like it if someone came up to him and poked him until he flew away. He said yes. Typical. I thought about trying it out in hopes that it would work...but decided against it. Ah well.
Peace, Love and Dracula,
Claire
Some Things to Consider:
1. Bachelor Pad is on tonight. I am ashamed to admit that this has been getting me through the day. Seriously, my drama scale is sitting around a -4 right now, so I have to watch other people's to keep myself occupied...not that mine is ever very high...but that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.
2. I seriously almost just typed that Owen's biting habit was getting much better...but then he bit me...in his sleep...so I guess I'll retract that statement.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
What I Came Home To...
Today I came home to two hobos hanging out on my front stoop. I guess if I were more P.C. I would call them housing impaired...or maybe financially impaired? Either way, they were hanging out on my porch. I nick named them Randy and Boss. I've decided I like them...if they're still there tomorrow I'll offer them a sandwich.
If the area of town in which I live was Germany and East Germany was the hood and West Germany was normal...I would live on top of the Berlin Wall. I'll be real. I like it that way and it is a source of pride. Not everyone can say they live next door to a drug dealer and have had their car broken into by gangster thugs (at least at my best guess they are...not like I actually met them).
In other news, Owen has figured out how to take pictures off the wall. He's so skillful that way.
Peace, Love and Love Thy Neighbor,
Claire
If the area of town in which I live was Germany and East Germany was the hood and West Germany was normal...I would live on top of the Berlin Wall. I'll be real. I like it that way and it is a source of pride. Not everyone can say they live next door to a drug dealer and have had their car broken into by gangster thugs (at least at my best guess they are...not like I actually met them).
In other news, Owen has figured out how to take pictures off the wall. He's so skillful that way.
Peace, Love and Love Thy Neighbor,
Claire
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)