If you were wondering what is wrong with today's society...

I'm pretty sure all the problems in the world can be summed up in one television show.

Toddlers in Tiaras.

Wow. The only word that sums up this show for me. However, I can't stop watching. Cannot.
There was a marathon on. I watched a few episodes.

I even find myself picking a toddler and rooting for them. Then I think about what I'm doing and consider scooping out my eye balls with a spoon.

Then sometimes I put myself in their shoes. I think about what I would have been like as a child participating in such an affair. But that's an absurd pipe dream because my mother wouldn't even let me be a cheerleader as a child because she thought they were ridiculous. Pageantry was never even spoken of...and if it was...it was to make fun of it. The idea of her taking the role of one of these mothers is virtually impossible to imagine. If you know my mother...you are probably currently laughing at the thought.

After watching the show, I am eternally grateful for my mother and the fact that she is NOT one of these women, who, let's be honest, are living out their dreams of grandeur in their daughters ultimategrandsupremedarlingdiva titles.

This is the closest I've come to being a darling diva:



So. Even if I wanted to be a darling diva...I couldn't because of my baby pattern baldness. (Keep in mind...this is my 3rd birthday) I'm pretty sure they had to glue that bow to my head. Also. Killer sweat suit, huh?

In conclusion. Toddlers in Tiaras. Horrible Show. Season premiere tonight. Will I be watching?

Absolutely.

Claire

Some Things to Consider:

1. Merry Christmas! If you know me...you know that I would prefer to celebrate Christmas year round. So here you go Christmas haters...just when you thought it was all over...four days after Christmas, I'm ready for next year! MERRY CHRISTMAS! (happy new year too, i guess...)

2. I'm currently watching My Strange Addiction. So far we've had a thumb sucker, a body builder, a lady who sleeps with her blowdryer and a girl who eats toilet paper. Sometimes I think I'm one of the stranger creatures that God created...then i watch TLC.

In Love with Science.

A conversation with my kiddos today:

Kid 1: Ms. Kinney, do you have a boyfriend?
Me: None of your business
Kid 2: No way she does! Her boyfriend is Science.
Me: EXACTLY!
Kid 2: All Ms. Kinney really does is go home to her apartment and her cat and read the science book every night.
Me: You are exactly right. So far, I've read our text book 15 times this year. Sometimes I take a break from reading it to feed my cat Einstein.
Kid 1: Wow. Ms. Kinney...that's a rough life.
Me: Yeah....it is...but someone has to do it in order to teach you crazies.

I love lying to pre-teens. I'm thinking of making it a full time hobby...oh wait...I already have.

One Month ago Today...

I wrote my last blog post.

It's been a while friends. Sorry for my absence. Things have been a little nutty lately and not too much of interest has been going on...at least not anything that I'm going to blog about.

However, over the month I have come up with a few things of note for you.

1. The other day I was talking to my students about waves. I asked them to name any type of wave they could think of.
Student "P waves and S waves."
Me: "Good. What are those?"
Student:"Ain't they got sumin to do wid Earthquakes?"
Me: "YES. Any idea what the P and S stand for?"
Student: "Ain't it Primary waves and Seduction waves."
Me: "Um. Seduction Waves?"
Student:"Yeah. Ain't that right? Seduction?"
Me: "Not quite." "Can anyone help him out?"
Other Student: "It's SUBDUCTION."
Me: "Actually that S stands for Secondary...but nice try."

It is the time of year for romance and love. Might I suggest some Seduction waves if you need some help?

Today I decided Owen needed some Christmas spirit. So. I defied his manhood and put a bow on his collar. Owen got excited because he got a new toy...kind of like he did when I put the tree up and ornaments became his new best friend...and then he broke them all and knocked over the tree.

Merry Christmas One and All. May your homes be filled with standing Christmas trees decorated with seduction waves.

Claire

Some Things to Consider:
1. Lifetime and the Hallmark Channel get about 1293876 times better this time of year. I highly recommend you check out some of their awesome classics like Christmas Cupid and The Dog Who Saved Christmas. All very worthwhile.

2. Recently I made a recipe I found on the side of a stuffing box. Now. I have probably eaten more sodium than I should for a lifetime...but man...I highly recommend it.

Sometimes there is such a thing as too much information...

Our recent topic of conversation in Science has been cycles. Water Cycle. Nitrogen Cycle. Carbon Cycle. So on. So forth. Yesterday we were talking about the Nitrogen cycle. This involves Nitrogen from the air going into plants...which go into animals...who create waste and put nitrogen back into the soil. So. We've been drawing the Nitrogen cycle and obviously this involves drawing poop. Which, naturally leads to A LOT of laughter. Mostly from the kids...okay maybe from me too sometimes.

So I guess the kids are getting comfortable talking about their bodily functions with me because of this because today a girl says, "UGH! CAN I GO PEE!?"

To which I responded, absolutely not and do not call it that...we are ladies...we call it the restroom...

Unfortunately, this was nothing compared to the girl who came up to me and said, "Can I go to the bathroom? I need to go #2" SERIOUSLY!?!? #2!?!? But my ears were not deceiving me. Naturally, I was so taken aback by the fact that this child said to me, and having some sympathy for her situation..because who really wants to hold it...that I let her go.

So I waited in shock for her to come back. When she did come back (literally 25 minutes later) she said this..."Sorry I was gone so long...I started puking up blood and went to the nurse."

AGHHHHHHHH. I was so intensely disturbed I had a hard time carrying on my class. GROSS.


Claire

Some Things to Consider:
1. I had an excellent weekend with some excellent people. I miss them dearly.
2. Owen has become unhinged. I wish I was joking. He' s now a farting machine and every single second he gets...he is chewing on my feet. We would be struggling if I didn't think he was so stinking cute. I'm pretty sure the reason kittens are so cute is so you don't kill them because of their obnoxious antics.

Arby's: Employer of the Strange

So. Normally, I wouldn't think much of this recent Arby's experience, except for my previous experience with the Roast Beef kings.

So, running late for church and having spent the last hour listening to a student tell me about what the world would be like if the earth was a flaming ball of fire and molten rock, while he was supposed to be making up work, I decided there was no time for dinner at home, so I opted for a Claire Kinney favorite and one of the few options that Paris offers.

I order as usual (#1 NOT with water this time..I had learned my lesson all too well). Went through paid as usual. However before I get my food from the woman working, she says, "WHAT ARE THEM PINK SHOES!??"

I'm thinking...What in the name of President Obama's personal cigarette roller are you talking about? See, I am not known for a particularly clean car...and heaven only knows what the heck is in my back seat.

"What?" (I obviously needed to clarify...not only did I not know what shoes she was talking about, but what on earth does the question "What are them pink shoes?" even mean? Did she want to know their function in my life, their brand, their type? I had no stinking idea.)

She repeats herself, "THEM PINK SHOES!! IN THE BACK!"

At this point, I actually have to turn around and look, because I really have NO clue what she's talking about.

Come to find out, she's referring the the shoes I wore in my dear friend Maggie's wedding in July. Had she looked harder she also would have seen the dress and bouquet that matched.

But the question still remains...how am I supposed to answer the question, "WHAT ARE THEM PINK SHOES?!"

My response? "Uhh. Yeah. I wore those in a wedding."

She responds, "WELL! THEM ARE THE CUTEST PINK SHOES I'VE EVER SEEN!!"

Me: "Uhhh. Thanks..."

Then she handed me my food and asked if I needed ketchup, arby's sauce or horsey sauce. I responded that I would absolutely adore some Arby's sauce and Ketchup, she handed me a hand full of horsey sauce and I was on my way.

Arby's never fails to be an interesting experience. God bless roast beef.

Claire

Some Things to Consider:

1. Student quote (I know this was already my facebook status...but it's too great to not repeat):
A boy wearing Ugg boots for "Boot out Drugs" day, borrowed from a female classmate. "Dang Miss Kinney, now I know why girls wear these things all the time! It's like walking on an ANGEL CLOUD! Like that one toilet paper! That's what it's like!"
Fair point...those bad boys are comfortable...even though they are extraordinarily unattractive.

2. It's drug awareness week. So far we've had "Be All You Can Be Camo Day," "Boot out Drugs day" and "Hat's off to a Drug Free Life." This is all culminating tomorrow in college day. I of course get to rep the trojans. I am beyond excited.

Of Hot Pants and Convicts

Two stories for you this evening:

1. One time Melissa Coffey came to my apartment. She got bored and needed coffee while I was at work. She decides to turn left in search of a coffee shop or gas station. Mistake. Long story short...she's basically stalked by a wacky guy in a car with tinted windows and has basically thought I live in the hood ever since. Disclaimer before I tell you the actual story. I do not live in the ghetto...although my apartment may be near a few ghettos and is basically just a really busy area, so there are a lot of people. All that to say...I'm afraid she may have been right. I am always able to hear what people are listening to on their car radios or if they're walking...I can definitely tell what they are talking about. This is what I hear today, "Yeah man. I just got out of jail last night!" Greeatttt..

2. Last night I had the weirdest dream of my life. I dreamt that I was at school. Doing my normal science awesome thing. When all of the sudden a new student appeared at my door. He was very tall and happened to be wearing only see through tights with lace underwear underneath and a ratty black t-shirt that came to his belly button. (Yes. You read HE correctly). Naturally, being my dress code enforcing self...I told the student that he would probably need to go home and return with something more decent on. The student replied that he would rather not and proceeded to grab me by the back of the neck and strangle me as he dragged me down the hallway. I survived and people watched it happened, but then he let me go and everyone was just like, "oh..go to class, no biggie." No one cared that some kid had just made his WWE wrestling moves a reality on me. I don't know what to make of this. Let's hope dreams don't become a reality. Also. The student wasn't just a made up character...he was this creepy kid that was in my German class my freshman year of high school who always wore hot pink plastic pants to school and occasionally a shirt that hit at his belly button. I never spoke to him... but he's obviously left a lasting impression.

Claire

Some Things to Consider:

I'm lacking today...the last time I lacked was when I dreamed that I was late for the first day of school. I seriously need to hold off on these bizarro dreams...they're effecting my steeze (which according to urban dictionary can be spelled either steeze or steaze...i chose steeze...but you'll have to decide which version you like better...i like this choose your own spelling game...)

Wal Mart: Land of Fun and Opportunity.

A few things happened during my trip to Wal Mart today.

1. I saw one of my students while I was walking in. He pretended he didn't know me. Classic 8th grade. This is why I have to teach the 2s and 3s at church...they have no problems showing affection...even if it is in the form of blowing their nose on me.

2. A conversation:
Old Man: Hey Lady. (clearly directed at me)
Me: Yeah?
Old Man: What the hell is this thing?
Me: Umm. A Peach?
Old Man: Well. You sure as heck wouldn't know it. It's not labeled. Come look and see if you see a label.
Me: Okay...(I look)...I don't see one.
Old Man: Sheesh. Just making sure it wasn't my old eyes. I guess they just can't bother to label their peaches these days.

3. The man who pushes the carts back into the store from the parking lot told me that if more customers were like me and pushed their carts in, Wal Mart would be a better place. Good words.


Peace Love and Rollbacks,

Claire

Some Things to Consider:

1. Couples have SPROUTED at school. The kids are seriously all over each other. Yesterday a couple kept calling each other baby during class. "Hey baby, hand me the colored pencils." "Okay baby" and then (different couple entirely) a guy waves at his girlfriend to get her attention, then mouths Hey, I Love You and winks. Seriously people...I know this is the most hormone filled time of your life, but let's at least keep it in the hallway.

2. Haley is coming in town this weekend and this kid is BEYOND excited!

Owen Kinney: The Cat, The Myth, The Legend

There are a few things to accomplish with this blog:

1. Tell you about my cat, Owen.



I don't care if you hate cats...if you don't find this cat cute...you are probably in cahoots with satan.

Also. Go ahead and call me a crazy cat lady. I'm fine with it. Someone told me (actually it was more than one someone) that it "all starts with just one cat." Well. I can tell you...I am far too obsessed with this one to endanger him with another one. Further also. I hope he grows up to be huge and fat.

2. To tell you that one of the first things this little charmer did when he got home was to take a massive dump in my shoe. A poo so nasty I had to throw away the shoes. I love him a little more for it.

3. To make a proclamation that I sincerely miss Taylor...especially my dear friends from there. How is it possible that we are all adults now, and talk about things like jobs and insurance? eekk.

4. To make this a really short post because everyone says my blog posts are too long. I prefer to think that people are just too lazy to read...but at the end of the day...it's all about the audience.

So there you have it. Short and sweet. Probably not as short and sweet as it could have been, but let's be honest...I'm just the kind of person who has a lot to say.


Claire

Some Things to Consider:

I had to fill out more paper work to adopt a cat than I did to gain employment. It was pretty intense...my palms sweated a little.

I got a new drivers license the other day. Typically here in the LEX there is a delightful man who looks like Elvis who takes the pictures. He wasn't there. It was heartbreak hotel for this kid when I didn't get my hunk a hunk a burnin driver's license.

Don't hate me too much for the cheesiness that was that last sentence.

You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream.

True Story: I'm driving home from Detroit (land of fast drivers, horrible accents and my dear friend Melissa Coffey) and Dawson McAlister, late night advice DJ, comes on. He literally made teenage dream into an inspirational song with stories inserted about people who almost committed suicide. Even more ridiculous...I almost started crying. Eesesh. Maybe I'm just nuts, but the last time I checked Katy Perry wasn't exactly what one would consider inspirational. (Unless of course you consider California Gurls..that little gem changed my life...)

Another True Story: I went to Arby's to get some dinner while I was on the road. I ordered a number 1 with a water. I pull up to the window. They hand me a roast beef sandwich.
Me: "I ordered a combo. I need fries."
Girl: "I didn't take your order."
Me: "Well. That's nice..but I still need fries."
Girl: "Well. You'll have to wait two and a half minutes. Just stay here."
Me: "Okay..there's someone behind me..."
Girl: "They're waiting on fries too."

4 minutes later.

Girl: "Just so you know, when you order a combo with water...you need to say bottled water."
Me: "But I didn't want bottled water."
Girl: "Oh, well you can't get regular water with a combo."
Me: "Oh. Sorry."
Girl: "Yeah. Just keep it in mind for next time."
Me: "Okay..."
Girl: "Could you pull forward? "

Pull forward...5 minutes elapse. Man behind me gets food. I thought he needed fries...apparently not.

Girl: "Here you go. I upsized your fries and drink for being cooperative."

I seriously felt disciplined by Arby's. If I hadn't been cooperative would they have taken my food away? I now know where to go if I ever need a moral compass or a nice dose of positive reinforcement.

Also. She upsized my water? It's free as it is.

Claire

Some Things to Consider:

As of yesterday night at midnight, Melissa L. Coffey and I are officially independent and competent humans because we assembled a couch. It was quite the feat. You may wonder about a couch that needs to be assembled...I would tell you to visit your local swedish furniture mart...they don't believe in pre assembled.

Big Bang Theory starts this week. I wish I could say I'm not counting down the hours...but that would be a lie.

Shut Up! Miss Kinney knows who Lil Wayne is!

True life quote. It is truly a shocking moment when you realize your teacher is an actual human who listens to actual music and has an affinity for crude rappers. Such were the conversations today.

- A moment from yesterday:
Student, "Hey, Saturday's September 11th."
Me: "Yeah. Out of curiosity, do you all remember September 11th?"
Student: "Yeah, we were in preschool and got to go home early."
Me: "Wow. Okay"
Student: "Miss Kinney, where were you when that happened?"
Me: "In the exact spot you are in right now. In 8th grade, in my first period class."
Student: "Woah. You were our age when that happened?"
Me: "Yes."
Student: "So that makes you like 22?"
Me: "Yes. Almost 23."
Student: "DANG! I thought you were like 30!"

Good. If I'm not being mistaken for a student by an administrator...I'm being called 30 by the kids. Apparently I just do not look my age...no matter which way you look at it. Oh well.

- Some more quotes:

"So, Ms. Kinney, were you like a total nerd in high school? Did you even have friends?"
Thank you Daniel for that nice bruise to my ego. I did in fact have friends, to the best of my knowledge. I think...

"Miss Kinney, I love you, but seriously, you are the biggest dork I've ever met."
Apparently if you're teaching about the nervous system, telling them that if your nerve system ever got out of control you might be able to shoot lightning out your fingers because of the electrical currents that trigger it, is just a really dorky thing to say... Point taken Jenny. Point. Taken.

You should also know that today marked a new era in the Explorer team. As of today and a discussion with our classes...PDA shall no longer be accepted upon punishment of a parent phone call.

Acceptable Behavior Includes:
Holding Hands
Quick Hugs
High Fives
Shaking Hands (If you've read my earlier blog...you know I'm in full support of this one)

Unacceptable Behavior Includes (deemed unacceptable because it has occurred):
Quick Peck Kisses
Kisses that last longer than 10 seconds in the middle of the hallway
Hugging that involves throwing yourself into the person and subsequently against a locker and proceeding to kiss

There was an outrage. I had to have a discussion with my second hour that went something like this:

Student: "But we don't mind watching each other's PDA"
Me: "But I DO mind. It's disgusting. Believe it or not..I didn't wake up today and think...hmmm...what to do at work today..OH! I know...watch all my students make out with each other in the hall way."
Student: "Whatever! All you teachers do it when you get home!"
Me: "KEYWORD: HOME!" (what i really wanted to do was laugh...because this is SOO far from the truth)
Student: "Fine. What about after school when we're waiting on busses?"
Me: "Guys. Seriously. It is not acceptable to make out in public. EVER. You need to learn this young because if you don't...people will talk trash about you for the rest of your life...trust me..I spent my entire college career making fun of the people who made out on the couches of the student union. Just don't do it."

Apparently, they just can't keep their hands off each other and it is just too hard to get through and ENTIRE hour of class without first making out. Oi.


Claire


Some Things to Consider:

- My mom told me she would not support me if I tried to meet someone through going on the Bachelor. This came as the second large blow from my mom who earlier confessed that she doesn't pray for my future husband. Frick.

- My passion for Jeopardy has only increased since my departure from college. I now consider myself in training for the show. So far this consists of: watching the show obsessively, participating in trivia night at a pizza place, working crossword puzzles and obsessively checking the Jeopardy website for audition dates and free trials of the online game.

If I were a Kardashian, my name would be spelled Klaire.

It has been an eventful few weeks since I last wrote. I've started teaching some delightful 8th graders, and this weekend I spent the weekend with my favorite Villains at my dear housemate Gina's wedding. After the wedding we headed back to the Villa for a night for old times sake...I know I've been back because when I opened my backpack to unpack today...I was OVERWHELMED with the mothball smell. Good Times. Here are a few stories pertaining to both:

1. This is an about me by one of my students on the second day of school:
- I like hunting
- I like working on my farm
- I love my girlfriend
- I don't think I like 8th grade
- I think you are mean, so fare (far is what he meant)

2. A quote, "Miss Kinney, that gym teacher's real mean. He's making us wear tennis shoes and shorts to P.E. class. I don't even own tennis shoes and shorts, that's what you wear in Florida. We wear boots and jeans up here."

3. A conversation, "Miss Kinney, are you coming to our football game tomorrow?" "No guys, I can't, I have to go to a wedding." "A Wedding!? You don't need to go to a wedding...you can meet her husband anytime and we only have 10 football games this season." "Guys, she only has one wedding ever..." "Whatever, no one likes weddings anyways."

4. During some square dancing at Gina's wedding, "Now, unbutton the farmer's shirt..."

True life, I am missing my Taylor besties pretty hard core these days. I saw them this weekend, and I think it only served to make it worse. Who knew I would spend so much time pining for a house that smells like moth balls in the middle of a corn field?

Well. Mel, Mags, Sar, Daves, Shinds, KB, Gean Bean and Millie (let's be honest, you are about the only people who read my blog anyway)...I miss you dearly and I can't freaking wait to see you again.

Claire

Some Things to Consider:

1. Kissing: Who decided that touching mouths would be this intimate thing? Why don't we touch knees or ears? What a weird notion...hey, to show how much we like each other...let's touch the germiest places on our bodies together. Whatever.

2. My dear friend Ben Lee brought this to my attention yesterday while driving through some magnificent farm land: Chickens do not pee. They only poop, which is why chicken farms smell SOOO horrific and chicken poo is so disgusting. Interesting.

Life's Friendly Updates

Here are the new and important things in my life right now:

1. School starts on Tuesday and last night I had a dream I didn't show up on the first day until 1 in the afternoon. As I was rushing around my apartment trying to get ready...my Taylor professors showed up to tell me how disappointed they were in me. When I finally got to school I had nothing prepared and the kids were running around like crazies. I'm setting 9 alarms on Monday night. At 9 different locations within my apartment. I will take no chances.

2. My fire alarm has decided it likes to beep every three minutes. I've tried replacing the battery. No dice amigo. (Or no Deesay as one friend thought I was saying in a text).

3. I tried to rescue a kitten from a bush in front of a mansion. I saw it one day, went back the next day, the next day and the next and he was gone. It's a little sad because I was pretty emotionally attached already.

4. Went to a family reunion (make that TWO family reunions) this weekend. Learned that more than likely I am a product of the Canaanites. Like the Biblical bad guys. I'm wondering if this is going to affect my relationship status with Jesus. Hope not.

5. I have cable now.


Claire

Some Things to Consider:
1. Sorry folks, I got nothing. My mind is too preoccupied with the fact that in dream land I pseudoruined my entire career.

Let Me See Your Chief Kennesaw! Oh wait...not you Pack 5.

Well friends.
As I have mentioned before, I have a big kid job these days. It starts in two weeks. I'm freaking out a little, but whatevs.

In the mean time, I have worked the standard IncrediPet and Camp Kearney summer...which every summer I swear I'll never do again. I always do.

Today was the last day of Camp Kearney (that involved children, tomorrow we pack everything..death).

To cap off potentially my last session EVER of Camp Kearney...I got a rather delightful pack that liked to do things like punch each other and swear. Naturally, we got along really well, as everyone knows I'm really into physical violence and cuss words.

After two weeks of what seemed like a never ending hades of children that made me question my desire to spend all day everyday with kids a little more than I'd like heading into my first teaching job, my kids finally decided that TODAY they would be good. It was seriously a group consensus...I had nothing to do with it.

One delightful aspect of Camp Kearney is the beloved Chief Kennesaw:


These days he's attached to a stick and is a little worse for the wear...maybe because I stole him last year and he spent the remainder of the year in my back window...maybe he melted a little...also maybe he lived through a thunderstorm or two in the woods..hung in a tree, but I SWEAR I had nothing to do with that one.

Needless to say, Chief Kennesaw is one very popular entity at CK.

Also. CK (Chief Kennesaw...not Camp Kearney..confusing..I know) is given to a group (or pack as we like to call them..since we're wolves and everything) who best follows the rules and listens to directions. It's very coveted because who wouldn't want a melted tiki mask hanging next to their table with caution tape around it?

SO ANYWAY. After two straight weeks of behavior that would make their mother's cry had I told them about it...my kiddos decided they would bargain with me for their good behavior. They had two demands. 1. A popsicle each AND 2. A Chief Kennesaw win. These sounded like reasonable demands to me, so I made a deal with the devil. They said they'd be good. AND THEY WERE! It was absolutely shocking. I even tested them by playing dodge ball..a game guaranteed to send them reeling into fist fights and harsh words. No dice amigo. They just smiled and kept playing..even when they got hit in "the place," as they like to refer to it.

SO. Naturally at the end of the day, I "nominate" my kids for Chief Kennesaw. This is what my boss (who..let's be honest takes his job a liitttle too seriously..among other things) says,

"Claire, I cannot give Pack 5 Chief Kennesaw. The essence of Chief Kennesaw is listening and following directions..and your kids just really struggled with that all week..and I caught them throwing mustard packets at dinner. I don't think we can taint the name of Chief Kennesaw by giving it to Pack 5."

WOW. WOOOOWWW.

GOD FORBID that a melted tiki mask that's zip tied together and mounted on a broken mop handle have it's name tainted by my obviously unworthy 8 year olds.

Don't even get me started on Saul Good (NO..NOT the restaurant as you may be thinking), the 200 pound wooden man with marble eyes and a arm that has an uncanny knack for falling off, who may or may not have fallen ON MY TOE yesterday, that is given to the pack who works the best as a team.

Where the HECK do (DID, as of tomorrow at noon) I work?

Oh well. Peace, Love and Chief Kennesaw.

Claire

Some Things to Consider:

1. In my last blog, I misspelled Picnic. You see I assumed that you would spell it like the English word, picnic (the act of people eating out side on a blanket). BOY WAS THIS KID WRONG. PICNIK. Because obviously you cannot spell things the correct way, they must be spelled wrong. Why? Picnik...I already hated you...you are not helping your cause.

2. You may wonder where the name "Chief Kennesaw" came from. The easy answer is that my boss drove by Kenesaw Road on his way to work. The more complicated answer, that I prefer, is that it came from an ancient Indian Chief during the war of 1812 who refused to forfeit his teepee to the British, even though they threatened to kill him. He was scalped (by the British) and left one relic behind that we later found on the grounds of Camp Kearney, which comes in the form of a tiki mask zip tied to a mop pole.

3. Kids will believe anything, it is truly amazing.

4. Is it bad that I like to exploit that as much as possible?

It's an unjust and horrible world we live in...

This world is full of wackos.

True Life: Today I watched a woman come EXTREMELY close to tears because IncrediPet has stopped carrying her dog food.

She stood with her eyes closed and her hand on her forehead for a solid three minutes. It was a very awkward time in my life. I told her we could still special order it..but she wasn't having any of it..this resulted in another three minutes of hand on forehead with eyes closed. I'll be honest, I was so annoyed, I couldn't even be nice to her anymore. Then she left her cart in the middle of the parking lot...I went and got it from her and made her watch me walk it back in.

On no less than three occasions today, I was told that my boss was going to be contacted.

People are passionate about their dog food. Good thing I'm getting out of there in a week...I feel like a good old fashioned riot with pitchforks and torches could occur.

For future reference, if you own a pet store and you are thinking about discontinuing CORE, Merrick and Fromm 30# bags...think again. The world will obviously explode.

Claire

Some Things to Consider:
1. The next time you decide to chew out the person ringing you out...think again...about the fact that they probably have nothing to do with decisions from the higher up.

2. Annie Hall: Most boring movie I've ever watched...so boring I only watched it when Spice World was loading.

This time Baby, I'll be(ee) Bullet Proof

Well blog world. It has been quite some time since we last rendezvoused. I'll be honest, I have felt a little undeserving of your love lately as I have no good material for you. BUT. I will give it a shot and please forgive me should this blog lack my standard wit and charisma.

I recently got the opportunity to reunited with all of my favorite people (for now..until I meet my millionaire husband) and it was spectacular. I tell you, there is nothing better than a wedding combined with a little Holiday World action. There is also nothing more exhausting..I'll be honest, my Camp Kearney game has slacked a little this week because of the fatigue and general bad attitude about life now that it doesn't have the likes of the Villa in it. Lame.

I feel like I spend a lot of my blog talking about the interesting people that somehow always seem to make themselves known in the world, so I'm going to refrain from writing a blog about the tattoos of Holiday World (I would say I was one of 18 adults at the park that lacked one). However please know that when you are 40 with 3 kids and at a water park...the dolphins you had tattooed around your belly button do not look the same as they did when you put them there.

In other news, my dear camper friend Sean has discovered a way to solve the oil spill involving exactly 16 tubes (the square root of 16 is also 4 he informed us), and he told me about it for a solid 45 minutes yesterday. He also has an aptitude for crocheting that he tells us about frequently. I told him he should just crochet a cover for that valve to stop it. He wouldn't even consider it..kids these days..don't listen to their elders.

Well there you go my blog loving friends. It ain't much...but it's something.

Claire

Some Things to Consider:
1. Picnic: if you picnic your pictures. and you are over the age of 13 you should stop. ASAP.
2. A Silly Band Relationship: There is a little romance forming among a few campers at my place of employment. Ages: Both 12. Ways we know its official: 1. It's FBO (facebook official...if you didn't know that...get with the program) 2. There was an exchange of heart shaped silly bands. THIS IS NOT JOKING MATTER ANYMORE FOLKS! Roll out the white carpet and call the caterer... true love is here to stay.

Of Silly Bands and Packing...

So. As I write this, I am staring at my room of crap that has somehow accumulated over the last 22 years. AND it all has to leave. Preferably by tomorrow. Let's be honest, it won't happen. BUT. In excellent news, I know hold the keys to my apartment and I can move in tomorrow. This is even greater news to my brother who's moving into my room (nothing says love like going out and getting paint swatches the day after I put the deposit on my apartment).

Here's the question: What in the world do you do with all this stuff? I mean..you just feel guilty throwing things away like trophies and American Girl Dolls...but it's not like they go with my decor. SO. Instead of tackling this issue, I am writing this blog.

Today was also the first day of good old Camp Kearney. It rained. A kid slapped me. An incident report was filed. Chalk it up as a win. BUT despite that, it was a good day and tomorrow's crazy hat day, so you can't go wrong...unless a kid decides they want to punch me this time.

ALSO. SILLY BANDS! They are my life. I am in intense competition to see who can get the most. So far I'm in the lead with 4. Keep in mind that until lunchtime today I had none (unless you count my broken stegosaurus (THANKS MEL)). ALSO bear in mind that I originally got a loaf of bread and a mini-van and somehow managed to trade around until I ended up with a seahorse, turtle, giraffe and penguin. LIFE IS GOOD.

Claire

Some Things to Consider:

1. The Bachelorette: I will be the first to admit that I am shamelessly addicted. BUT, this kid on their went and got a tattoo symbolizing their relationship. Not only was it extraordinarily uncomfortable to watch, but COME ON! You are one of 11 guys, and now you are stuck with a tattoo because she is not going to choose you because of the INTENSE creepy factor that brings about. EEK. Case and Point: We all saw what happened to L.C. on The HIlls, no body wants to try and turn a J (as in Jason) into an L. Don't get relationship tattoos, it never ends well.

2. Conversation my sister's pack had today:
Kid 1: Miss Haley, are you married?
Haley: No..I'm to young to get married!
Kid 1: NO! I know tons of people your age married!
Haley: Well, who am I supposed to marry?
Kid 1: Some boy I don't know...
Haley: Oooh, well. Who's your wife then?
Kid 1: I don't have one!
Kid 2: When I have a girlfriend, I want her to be a robot girl, so we can smash buildings together.
Kid 3: When I have a boyfriend, I want him to be named Jackson
Kid 4: Sometimes you can chose your boyfriend's name, Teila!
Kid 5: Well, I just want a really pretty girlfriend.
Kid 6: I don't really care what they look like, I just want them to be nice on the inside.

6 year olds are so hilarious, much funnier than my 10 year olds, but I don't have to tie 10 year olds shoes and they don't try to sit on my lap when it's 1.8 million degrees either. SO. I live vicariously through Haley's stories.

RIP Handshake: It's a Huggy Hug World Out There, With No Room For You

It's recently come to my attention that the handshake has left the building. Seriously, when is the last time someone offered you their hand in greeting as opposed to just going in for the big one (when it wasn't a job interview)? It's borderline out of control. I understand that this new generation is more comfortable and less formal (blah blah blah), but seriously folks..I have no desire to be that close to you the first time we meet.

Granted, I have been known to have a personal space issue from time (maybe the yard stick I used to carry around was a bit extreme, but you get the drift).

Here is a list of reasons why handshakes are better than hugs:
1. You don't have to smell the person you are shaking hands with, while a hug guarantees that you will (this is not that relevent to me because of my anosmia (yeah, I googled that one, don't worry)), but my roommate holds her breath every time she hugs someone and this is just not safe, she could pass out one day.
2. There is only one way to shake hands, while hugging can just get very awkward. Do I go for the side? Full frontal? How much pressure do I apply? Do I simply embrace or do I pat the back? Am I over thinking it? Maybe, but for us over thinkers, hugging can get a little stressful.
3. How long do you hang on? You don't want to be the first to let go...that show's a lack of concern, but you don't want to hang on too long either because that's just creepy. Granted you can end up with carpal tunnel the way some people shake hands these days, but at least your nose isn't pressed in the person's weird smelling hair while this is all going down.

I have also noticed that the handshake is a completely lost art. Ever gotten what I like to call the limp fish? This is particularly common during church greeting time and I hate to admit it, but it is usually my sex at fault. Such a struggle.

So, here at the end of my sermon I would like to offer a challenge. The next time you meet someone, stick that hand out there proudly, give the other persons hand a quick pump and be on your way.

However, if you are as lucky as I am in no less than 4 situations in the last 3 weeks, your handshake will be rejected as that person had already gone in for the hug, so you're stuck in an even more awkward situation; a hand out and an embrace (think about where that extended hand is headed..straight for the gut..or worse).

Woe is me, maybe one day I'll be the hugging initiator making everyone else feel weird, but I doubt it.

Claire

Some Things to Consider:
1. My mother informed me today, after having gone to a wedding where the mother talked extensively about how she was praying for that groom since the daughter was born, that she hasn't done that and refuses too...she prays for me to lead a Godly life in His will or something I guess...sheesh...what am I supposed to do now? I'm screwed.

2. I heard that one of the Real Housewives of New Jersey makes $79,000, but spends more than 11 million a year. HOLY COW! Seriously, I'll be honest, I get nauseous thinking about the cable bill that's about to set me back 80 bucks a month. I cannot imagine being in that much debt.

I'm only gonna break break your break break your heart.

My title has little to no significance. It's just stuck in my head. So there you go. I couldn't even tell you who sings that song. Whatevskies.

So. In exciting news, I have an apartment. AKA my sister's boyfriend now has a place to stay if he comes to visit, according to my father. Having lived in a college dorm/furnished house for the last 4 years, I naturally have no furniture, so it has become very necessary that I acquire some, lest I desire to sit on the wood floor while living my life. However, PROBLEM SOLVED. Thanks to my bff craig's list, I am the new owner of a pair of couches. They are actually very nice couches, and to be honest, they were a steal. It's not every day you come across pottery barn couches for the price I paid for them. You might be thinking, wow! That's awesome! Pottery Barn stuff is super cute and you would be correct in thinking that most things that come off the shelf at Pottery Barn are precious (and heinously overpriced). However, on this occasion you would be sorely mistaken. My couches, for all their comfort and price practicality are DENIM (much like the underwear that seams to be so popular that I talked about in my previous post). It looks like a levi's factory exploded in my living room. I was very distraught by this for a few hours until I came up with this: I can call them the Jouch (or Jofa) and the Joveseat. I find great comfort in being able to give things funny names (my car for instance is the Whale because when I first got it, that's what the horn sounded like). SO, although my original intention was to get new slipcovers for these bad boys, I have a feeling I will have a hard time parting with the divine denim look of these fabulous pieces of furniture. (like my alliterations there?)

Other news: I am reading the memoirs of Josh Hamilton, the baseball player: Once addicted to crack, now addicted to Christ. I'm not going to lie to you, I can't put the dang book down. He may have been addicted to actual crack, but his book is like crack to me. Anyway, I recently came to the realization that of the non-fiction books I have read in my entire life (trust me, there are not many, like maybe 7 tops) the only ones I have enjoyed have been the stories of baseball players (so, this one and the biography of Sammy Sosa). I'm glad I've honed in on this niche, because it's going to make my summer reading list more substantial than my previous list which consisted of the entire Gossip Girl series.

That's all I have for you tonight folks, may all your skies be blue and all your couches be denim.

Claire

Some Things to Consider:

1. Internet Lingo: do U fnd it dum whn ppl wrt lyk dis? b*cuz I do. srsly ppl, have U evr hrd of punctuation or grammar (no lingo for those words, it would be an oxymoron)? so dum.

2. The Pregnancy Pact: Just watched this movie on Lifetime, I have no profound thoughts to throw out about this movie, but as long as you are considering things, consider watching this movie. You won't regret it. (okay, maybe you will, but is entertaining none the less).

Shorts These Days. AKA Denim Underwear.

So. Tonight I had the intense privilege of taking in a high school baseball game. I love baseball, so this is an ideal situation. (It even went into extra innings, so according to my sister's boyfriend..SWEET! free baseball). Maybe I've been jaded or just never thought it was a drastic as the situation actually is, but I am sad to report that females no longer see the need to wear pants. I observed a VAST (I mean 50+) girls wearing not shorts but something that could only be classified as denim underwear..as in there is no way they were actually wearing underwear under those bad boys. This in addition to the recent leggings as pants fad has made me lose all hope in the female population to dress like sane human beings. The denim underwear were especially precious in combination with their boyfriend's baseball jerseys. The picture they took grabbing each other's rear ends was also particularly classy. I'm sure their parents would have been proud.

Anyway, rant over. Case and point: Wear pants. You won't regret it.

In an attempt to stick to shorter more manageable blog posts (kind of like a baby learning to eat solid food...) I will end here fore now.

Claire

Some Things to Consider:

1 .The English Language - If for some reason you are reading this and you aren't a native english speaker...you will understand, if you are..then odds are you won't, but please stop for a second and think about the absolute ridiculous nature of this language. It seriously makes no sense.
2. People's refusal to adhere to uniform dress. I've observed this on multiple occasions. Personally, I have no issue wearing the same outfit as like 500 other people..in fact it kind of feeds my need for order and structure. Therefore, I seriously have no idea why people struggle to adapt to uniforms. You probably have no idea what I'm talking about, so I will give an example or two.
Example 1: Tonight at the baseball game. There were players who were trying to make their baseball pants sag..Is that a joke? Seriously, if you want to be a baseball player you just need to accept the fact that you are going to wear tight pants..I know you think you're cool, but trust me...you really just look like a fool.
Example 2: Graduation. When you graduate, you need to understand that you are going to wear a large robe with the weirdest shaped hat ever with something dangling over the side..it's just a fact of life. Therefore, you should not try to look cool. AKA. Putting your hat on the back of your head so that it is literally vertical is just plain ridiculous and frankly defies gravity. Sorry Newton, you were wrong..gravity can be defied..by college girls with bobby pins and hairspray.

Who's That? The Opposite of Boring.

Caty Brigman. If you are reading this, please know that the title is for you. For the rest of you, you should know that this is a quote from the best movie ever created (and I mean that with all the sarcasm pent up in my body that couldn't be released during the weekend). This movie is none other than, FAME (not the old one, the new one..although we all should have known after the first one not to watch the second one). I'm pretty sure my IQ is at least 12 points lower, but for whatever reason, I couldn't stop watching. It was even suggested that we stop...I discouraged it..and I have no idea why.

Anyway, great news. I have officially graduated from college. At least to the best of my grade calculations I have. Art as Experience could rear it's ugly head one more time and make me crash and burn, but I don't think so. They say it ain't over til the fat lady sings..and that is the state of mind I'm trying to approach this with...Except instead of a fat lady...I'll just have a piece of paper..but whatever gets the job done, right? Here's a great pic of the momentous occasion..



In a great stroke of luck (okay, not luck, generosity from my parents and awesome rebate at AT&T), I managed to obtain a new computer and cell phone in the same weekend..both of which are way to cool for my actual life. Let's be honest...I don't wear black rimmed glasses and drink starbucks, do I even merit the MacBook I'm writing this on? Don't worry, I didn't get a matching iPhone...I don't believe in having internet on your phone, mostly because I definitely do not believe in updating twitter every 3.7 seconds. I mean trust me, no one cares how many bowel movements you've had today, or what you ate that caused them. Either way, I feel like I will spend the rest of the week setting things up (aka. making my brother set them up for me..not only am I not cool enough, in all reality I'm not technologically skilled enough).

I suppose that's all for the evening.

Claire

Some Things to Consider:

1. So I know I just joked about my IQ dropping from that movie. But, In all seriousness, post graduation, I genuinely feel like I am not as smart, like things I would normally never messed up, I have messed up. For instance, 3+3=9? No. It absolutely doesn't...but I said it did the other day. Sheesh. My brain needs a break.

2. Quote overheard by my parents yesterday at graduation:
Person 1: Do you feel very accomplished as parents now that your child is graduating from college?
Person 2: Ehh. Not really, I really felt that way when they got married last weekend and goodness knows the wedding was much more fun than this graduation.

My poor parents must think they're failures. All I have to offer as an indicator of their parenting is a a piece of paper with some words on it, and those words have NOTHING to do with matrimony. Apparently that just doesn't cut the cheese these days, you need that and a husband. Woops. I'm like Miley and the stilettos at the non-Nashville Party..I guess I never got the memo.

Here's to the Nights We Felt Alive...

HA! Tricked you...you thought I was going to write a sappy blog about how much I'll miss college and all my friends. FALSE ALARM. I mean obviously I'll miss them...I'm just not going to blog about it. Also. What does that even mean..here's to the nights I felt alive...I sincerely hope that I continue to feel alive even after I graduate from college.

So. It's finals week. Which means two things here at the Villa. First that it has become necessary to use the bathroom only while on campus, because we are EPICALLY out of toilet paper and who wants to buy toilet paper for 5 days? Answer: Not us. And second that we obviously had to execute an awesome weekend. I would say we succeeded. Here is a synopsis.

1. Went to See the Back Up Plan...DO NOT see this is you are not comfortable with the word vagina. Or vivid scenes of child birth. Don't get me wrong..it was hilarious...but don't see it on a date. You will never EVER touch the person you are with.

2. Went Line Dancing at a marvelous establishment called the 8 second saloon. I recommend it to anyone who needs a confidence boost because the people there are something else...please remind me not to grind on other women in front of a band called cornfield mafia, wearing a very small amount of clothing that reveals my 27 wrinkled tattoos when I am 45 years old...it does not end up well.

It's recently come to my attention that my blogs are entirely too long. Maybe that speaks to the attention span of these people. BUT. I will go ahead and stop here anyway.

Claire

Some Things to Consider:

1. So. If you know anything about me, you know that I hate emoticons. That aside, it is absolutely baffling to me that this - :))))))))))) means you are extra happy. When I'm extra happy in real life...I don't gain 12 mouths...but apparently you do on the internet.

2. It was recently brought to my attention that I am not very lady like...this is of great distress to me, as I fear my grandmother would be very upset if she knew. I asked my friend if it was like a huge problem in my life, basically asking if I need to make some life changes. She responded that I wasn't ugly enough for it to be truly gross, so don't worry about it. How should I take that?

3. Jelly Squirt.

She's Not Crying Anymore. She's Not Lovin' Any Longer...

Name that song. Bet you can't.
Billy Ray Cyrus. She's Not Crying Anymore. It is obviously musical genius, as is his entire album, Some Gave All (yes. Achy Breaky Heart is on that one).

Anyway, as you may (or may not) have deduced from the title, I am going to dedicate this blog to tears.

I have a problem. I don't cry. I'm serious. The last time I cried, I thought I failed the praxis and saw my entire future falling apart before my eyes. As you can see, the circumstance has to be extreme.

I have a further problem. Sometimes, I feel guilty about not crying. So I fake. I sniffle, or just look at my lap and shake.

Some Fake Crying Instances:
1. The End of Every School Year: All my friends cry because they'll miss eachother...obviously I'll miss them...but I can't cry about it...so I pretend.

2. A Break Up or Two: You just feel super guilty if a guy is crying and you aren't...this is especially easy on the phone.

3. Graduation: So. It hasn't happened yet, but I'll be honest...it probably will.

To make matters worse, I've started taking pleasure in other people's tears. For instance, I think it is particularly hilarious to play Friends are Friends Forever when my friend Sarah is around because she WILL cry. It doesn't matter if we've been laughing for 25 minutes before, she WILL cry and I delight in it.

I am slightly comforted by the fact that my sister compiled an ENTIRE CD of music for the sole purpose of making Sarah cry...at least I didn't do that. BUT. I do play it pretty much constantly.

I'm awful. And Coldhearted. Seriously. Why are you reading this? I'm too awful of a person to read about.

Claire

Some Things to Consider:

1. Shirt or Dress? This could potentially be one of my favorite games to play. The object of the game is to decide whether or not a girl's top is long enough to constitute a dress. Usually it is not and you can subsequently discuss how leggings are not pants. I highly recommend you take up this game in the near future.

2. Facebook: I understand it's obvious appeal...fun stalking...etc. BUT. Can we talk about how annoying it is? Seriously. How much more complicated is life with facebook? Do I delete them, do I not? Should we make our relationship facebook official or no? (FBO, as i have recently heard it called.) Seriously, Facebook...wow. I wish I had the willpower to get rid of it...but unfortunately I can't do that..because it is my crack cocaine.

I had nothing against the Amish...Until Yesterday

You should know that the only reason I feel comfortable writing this blog is because the person I am going to write about...in no way has internet access. Unless there is a new rule I haven't heard about.

Also know that I am not normally one to write about my male conquests on the internet (mostly because they don't exist) but this was too good to pass up.

Also know that I am mainly writing this to make Maggie jealous...she has an Amish fetish.

So yesterday, after a delightful meal at the Grille (note the E on the end...it's supposed to make it taste better...it doesn't.) I am walking back to my house. On my walk home, I pass an apartment complex, that is having some roof repair done. I don't really think anything about it...construction is pretty normal...so is getting cat called at by construction workers. However, these were not your average construction workers, as they were Amish. Which is why I thought, "that's nice, I bet they'll do a good job on that roof."

That was until I hear a voice ring out, "hey ladddyy" (insert whistle) (insert woop). No. It wasn't construction workers from another building, it wasn't some random guy in a car. It was in fact, a man in a straw hat, standing on the roof of the very same apartment complex to which I have been referring.

True Life: Yesterday, I was hit on by an Amish teenager. So I guess if all else fails, I can learn to cook over an open fire, adapt to not having electricity and give up my addiction to facebook.

Claire

Some things to consider:

1. So. I know I've already mentioned Jeopardy...and it is obviously very nerdy to mention it again, but unfortunately this has just been a thorn in my side recently. So not only does Alex make snide comments...this happens every day, but there are some days when you get that OBNOXIOUS contestant who thinks it's the best thing ever to skip around all over the board. Why? Looking for the Daily Double? I understand..but most of the time, it is pointless. And annoying. I digress.

2. WhY dO pEoPle TyPE LiKE thIS? iT iS aLmOst aS aNnoYing aS EmoTicONs. AlSO iT tAKES fOrEVer. :) ;) :/ :p

Today I Biffed it in the Art Building wearing my 6D glasses...Go ahead and chalk it up as a win.

You are all smart people, so I assume you can read the above title and deduce what happened. We can go ahead and add that there were a lot of people around. Whatever..I'm a senior, I'll never see anyone again...except on facebook.
"Hey... isn't that the girl who biffed it in the art building that one time?"
"Yeah...dang... she's let herself go post-college." (oh please people, we all know I stopped caring about my appearance at the age of 17)
crappppp.

Anywho, it's an exciting weekend here at the Villa. Here's a list of the activities:
1. Davies is running the mini-marathon...tonight I carbo-loaded in her honor.
2. My kiddos (as in student..not my biological children) have a piano recital tomorrow that I CANNOT seem to remember. We'll hope I remember to go...
3. Mag's wedding shower is Sunday and TRUST me when I say this house has GOT to be cleaned before then.
4. Katie is taking a "sabbath weekend" where she celebrates the sabbath from Friday night until Sunday night. She's doing it as celebration for completing her 50 page paper. I'm joining her, but let's be honest... I haven't really done anything to merit it... so really I'm just renaming my laziness as sabbath. Oh well.

So far, I've fallen asleep watching Sherlock Holmes (we started at 8), and determined that my birth certificate is lying...I'm not 22, I'm 92 and apparently incapable of staying awake for a movie. In my defense, Katie fell asleep too.. and is in fact still asleep on the couch. I am intensely debating whether or not to wake her up and tell her to go to bed, but she DOES NOT look comfortable.

I guess that's all I have for now because, let's be honest, you probably stopped reading two paragraphs ago.

Claire

Somethings to Consider:

1. I read in USA today that Sunday is the 50th anniversary of birth control...and also ironically, Mother's (Or YAY! I'm not a Mommy Yet!) Day.

2. PDA. Super common. Everyone knows this, yet almost everyone complains about it. Somewhere in there are people who both a) complain about PDA and b)participate in PDA. So basically the point being, PDA is only acceptable if you are a participant. (a+b= a-okay). However as a non-participant complainer (a-b)I feel a little screwed over.

Thoughts from Geology...When I Should be Listening to a Lecture on Tectonic Plates...

The question is not How do Tectonic Plates work? The REAL question is..WHO CARES how tectonic plates work? The answer is obviously my professor...not myself...also maybe my test grade. True Life: That statement goes against everything I stand for in this world (curiosity, general knowledge for the betterment of self) BUT somehow these stances are losing all importance in my life as I approach May 22.

So. An update on my life.

1. Recently, my best friend quit talking to me because she had a dream I was super mean to her. Don't worry. We rectified the situation..I assured her that I wouldn't say mean things to her in the midst of her REM cycles anymore. Sheesssh.

2. I'm obsessed with the song Your Love is My Drug (Ke$ha). If you have not heard this song. Youtube it now. I'm serious. You will never be the same.

Some Lyrics (So you will truly understand the greatness)
My friends think I've gone crazy
My judgment's gettin kinda hazy
My steeze is gonna be affected
If I keep it up like a lovesick crackhead

What you've got boy, is hard to find
I think about it all the time
I'm all strung out, my heart is fried
I just can't get you off my mind

Because your love, your love, your love, is my drug.

AND that my friends..Is what is deemed GOOD music. BA-zinga.

3. In light of the recent oil spill, I've taken to watching the Dawn commercial with all the baby ducks soaked in oil. I think we should all show our love to Dawn for their great product that saves the life of thousands of duckies and otters. I'm not kidding. Send them a love email. NOW.

I guess that's it really. Other than in about 3 minutes I'm going to FUNcie, Indiana (You thought it was Muncie? You would be wrong).

Claire

Some things to consider:

1. Is anyone else SUPER annoyed when Alex talks so much on Jeopardy (during the interviews, snide comments between questions) that you don't get to all the questions? I'm thinking of sending him some hate mail? Too far?

2. Why do they still sell butterfly clips? These have obviously been out of style for a good 10 years. THE REAL QUESTION is acutally...Why do people still wear them? Why is it so sweet to have your hair cascading down over a weird mound on your head? I don't know...but maybe I'm just jealous because I never had enough hair for them to actually stay in place.

College is Over? Time to start blogging.

Apparently there is an unwritten rule that if you have absolutely nothing important to say...it is essential that you start blogging. So naturally I had to start one.

Here in a few weeks, God willing and assuming I don't fail Art as an Experience/Geology/Contemporary Christian Belief...I will graduate. I'm not going to lie, this could be a struggle. I have the college version of senioritis except maybe 900 times worse than I had it in high school because unlike high school...I don't actually have to go to school again (night and summer school for my masters in five years aside). Also. I have a job...checking that off the list too. So I'm more or less biding my time.

On the flip side. There is a bitter side to finishing college. In that I am being forced against my will to leave this place. How unfair is it that college has to involve school? I won't lie...against my will and natural inclination to keep anything remotely sentimental and cheesy on the inside... I've been getting nostalgic and have spent a little too much time listening to Michael W. Smith sing Friends are Friends forever...and The Graduation song by Vitamin C...and I Will Remember you...and Time of Your Life...Eek. I'm a sap. Crappp.

This picture sums up entirely why I will miss my time at Taylor (please note that NO classrooms or books are involved in this picture):



So. Here's the plan post graduation (God willing...I just really feel the need to add that in every time I mention graduation..because my classes are such a struggle right now...I definitely need God's will on my side.) I am going back to my ever faithful jobs at Camp Kearney and IncrediPet. Seriously..I don't know that I would be willing to give the two up even if I didn't need to money. SO. It's another summer of singing the banana song and convincing people that what they feed their dog really does matter.

THEN. (insert some variety of grandiose music here) I start teaching 8th grade science in the fall. SCORE. If I could describe to you how much I love middle schoolers...I would...but I can't, as most people consider me sick and twisted for thinking it's the best thing in the world.

But Alas, let's be honest...I should probably be writing a paper, or studying, or reading (REAL SEX is the book of the night...thank you contemp.) so I will stop forcing you to continue reading this blog against your will.

Claire

Some things to consider:
1. The topsy turvey tomato planter - how does that work? Does gravity have no role in this concept?
2. What would happen if instead of walking heel to toe...we all walked toe to heel? Picture it in your mind...give it a shot...you know you want to.
3. If for some reason you are in need...which I ALWAYS am...movie theaters are willing to give you the left over 3D glasses if you smile pretty and ask for them. This was a HUGE success for me this week...definitely more so than my geology exam.