BOOKS.

I have come across another awkward encounter I have to share my thoughts on with you.  The last time it was about how I hate hugging, this time it's entirely different, but awkward none the less.

So.  I am an avid reader.  I read a lot. I even have a Kindle (which is an obvious sign of a reader...duh).  BUT. Just because I read a lot doesn't mean that I read a lot of good stuff.  I mean...I am definitely not pool side reading Machiavelli's Prince or Plato's Republic...heck...I'm not even reading ANYTHING of literary merit...no Wuthering Heights, no A Farewell to Arms...none of that. That's not to say I haven't read it because I was forced in school...but now that I've graduated from college, I like to keep my literary ambitions on the lighter side.  Which brings me to my point.  I HATE when people ask me what I'm reading.  It's almost inevitably embarrassing.

For instance, right now I am finishing up a wonderful novel by Sarah Dessen.  It is called "What Happened to Goodbye." Nothing with such a title is worth anything in the book world, it is pure fluff and silliness.  BUT.  It's very enjoyable fluff and silliness.  Before that it was "Something Borrowed" which I followed up with "Something Blue." I am not ashamed of my book choices, I rather like them...BUT sometimes I feel a little judged.

A story from my past to illustrate my point:

In college I was on the Spiritual Life Committee, which is a fancy way of saying that I coordinated chapel services and made sure everyone was where they needed to be for our trice-weekly chapel.  However, before I started this job, we were meeting as a group for dinner when our campus pastor asked us the following question:

"Alright guys, in an effort to get to know one another, I want you to go around and say the title and give us a summary of a book you read this summer."

Now. The first thing that goes through my head is...oh thank goodness, I actually read a book this summer...However, the second thought was not as cheery as I thought...FRICK. I did read...but I chose to revisit Harry Potter for the 19th time...half of these people don't even believe it's biblically permissible to read Harry Potter.

We start around the table and I'm sitting at the end.  As we go through people are saying things like, "The Screwtape Letters," "The Shack," "Mere Christianity," Heck. I think one person said that they had dedicated themselves to ONLY reading the Bible for the summer.  I was starting to not feel so good about myself and what I was going to say to these people...I mean I could lie...but to a bunch of people on the Spiritual Life Committee?? I was seriously beginning to question my placement amongst these people.

However, as the person before me answered that they had read the complete commentaries on the book of Acts...it occurred to me that I had read ONE additional book to Harry Potter.  This is what I said:

"This summer I actually read a book called "Pledged" which detailed the lives of sorority sisters at a major university. I thought that since our school doesn't have sororities, this would be a good way to get to know the inner workings of them, so I can better relate to these people in the future."

Most bogus words I have ever spoken.  It definitely still would have sounded better if I had decided to spend more time reading books that would actually teach me something...but I thought I did a pretty darn good job of pulling it off like I actually have a brain.

SO. Maybe it's because of this that I'm so sensitive to the question, but I am always self conscious about what I am reading.  Oh well.

Peace, Love and Sorority Sisters,
Claire

Notes on My Board

It's true. My first year of teaching is over.  I should be elated.  I'm not really.  Don't get me wrong, I am very excited for the summer.  However, I am seriously sad to see these kids go! I came home and ate ice cream on my couch today.  It could be because that's about the only food in my house...but it sounds better to say it was because I was so depressed about the end of the school year.  

The kids wrote on my board on the last day of school...I like to think it's because they love me so much...but it's probably just because they have board envy.  I mean...what's better than using white board markers?? 

Here are some of them: 

And then there was this one: 

           

Oh well. Guess you can't win them all...

Peace, Love and SUMMERR!!

Claire

Just when I thought I couldn't get any more ridiculous...

Hello Friends. It has been a long while. I know.  My sincerest apologies.

We just finished state testing and I'll be honest, that junk took it out of me...I'm just now regaining the strength and humor required for blog posting.

However, today I have some good stuff for you.

In an awesome effort by the math teacher, our kids were instructed to pick a teacher to write a thank you letter to as they leave their middle school years behind them.  I got some and they warmed my heart greatly...maybe even to the point of tears...which is a VERY rare occurrence, but some were stinking hilarious and only proved what I already knew...I am ridiculous through and through...and I fool none of my kids into thinking I'm a "cool" teacher/person.  I'm pretty okay with it.  Here are some selections:

Letter #1
Dear Miss Kenny,
I hope your cat don't miss us next year after you hide him under your desk.  I bet your cat knows a lot of science and so do I, all about the periodic table and how you used to play in the NFL, although I learned a lot about all the sciences.
Sincerely,
Student

Maybe one time after the super bowl I told the kids I was a quarter back in the NFL and won 19 superbowls...I swear...this stuff just flies out of my mouth, I can't stop it.  I don't think he really believed me...but I really did make the same kid think I won the lottery and only teach because I get bored at home.

Letter #2
Dear Ms. Kinney,
Woah. Sometimes I think you're cool, but you're a little crazy.  You were the only teacher that would slam the door to teach us about stimuli, but then turn into Martha Stewart right after (???).  I don't think your science classes next year will be the same.  What's science without me in your class? Well. If you ever start to miss me you can look back at the pics we better take Thursday or Friday.
Peace Out,
Student

Letter #3
Dear Ms. Kinney,
Thanks for the good times.  I'm gonna go shoot alpha particles at gold in my barn.  Good-bye.
Sincerely,
Student

I'm glad he remembers Rutherford's alpha particle experiment...although I don't know why he's going to set it up in a barn...

Oh how I am going to miss these kids.

Every time I tell someone what grade I teach they inevitably grimace and ask me how that is even remotely enjoyable.  In all honesty, I don't know how anyone wouldn't find it to be the best job in the world.  Gosh, I will miss these kids this summer.

Peace, Love and Martha Stewart??

Claire

Just a little tidbit from today...

Student: Didn't somethin' big happen las nigh?? Like that Obama Hussein guy got shot or somethin?

Me: Osama Bin Laden??

Student: I guess so...whad you say his name was again?

Me: Osama Bin Laden.

Student: Osama Hussein Laden...

Me: No.

I can't make this stuff up...

Isaac Newton: The Man, The Myth, The Legend

Is anyone else impressed that I have blogged 4 days in a row? I'm impressed with myself, but it's been easy because this week's been one for the books.

To start, you should know that I started my day with a dead car and a AAA "battery specialist" who says my battery is "the most corroded I've ever seen and I've seen a lot of batteries." Score. This totally makes up for the fact that I never got a superlative in high school.  

$111 and a ride to school from my mom I arrive at school, only 45 minutes late, my kids in the hands of a sub.

Anyway, at my school, we're required to do a literacy strategy every month to help our kids learn to read or something...I guess that's important.  Anyway, this month we were supposed to teach them to be more fluent readers.  Digging back to my elementary days, I decided a Reader's Theater (aka reading a story like it's a script) would be a good time.  So I find one called Newton's Apple. Perfect.  Isaac Newton, Reader's Theater. Done.

Here is a selection of the work:

Isaac: The Earth is attracted to the Sun. The Sun is attracted to the Earth. The flowers, the dirt, the seeds are all attracted to the Earth!

Catherine: I'm attracted to YOU Isaac!

Isaac: Of course, Catherine! Everything is attracted to Everything!! The stars are attracted to the Earth, the Cosmos are all held together by gravity!

This was the best decision I've ever made as a teacher.  I have never seen SO many kids SO embarrassed.  Poor Catherine just throwing herself at Isaac and he doesn't care.  They all wanted to die.  I wanted to die laughing.  Also. A few students decided to throw in a British accent for good measure.  I will tell you, you ain't heard nothing until you've heard a kid from Bourbon County do a British Accent.

Then we went on to discuss the idea of genius, since Isaac Newton was one.  I asked the following question.

Me: Who do you consider to be the greatest genius of all time?
Student: LARRY THE CABLE GUY!
Student #2: Yeah. That Get-r-done line gets me every time!

What is the world coming to? I was expecting some Darwin's, maybe a DaVinci, I thought they might say something like Oprah or President Obama.  FALSE. Larry the Cable Guy it is...

Peace, Love and Blue Collar Comedy,
Claire

Also, for those of you who were wondering, Owen pulled through the loss of his claws like a champ.  According to the vet he is loving his life in a drug induced stupor.  I get to pick him up tomorrow.  I'll be real, it was bizarre coming home to an apartment without him in it.

Of Tornadoes and Toilets

If you haven't been paying attention, you should know that there has been some horrific weather around these parts lately.  Tornados, Thunderstorms, Floods, the whole bit.

There have been like a million tornado warnings in the last few days, but the first one during the school day came today.  9:00 AM.  Score.  

Let me describe my severe weather location for you: 

Boys. Locker. Room. 

I want to forfeit all five of my senses every time I have to go in there...which I assure you is only during severe weather, or severe weather drills.  Also. Today, some of the boys told me that boys have been known to pee on the floor just for kicks.  GROSS.  Boys are so gross. Especially in middle school.  I don't think I have to say that I was less than thrilled to "assume the position" with 27 middle schoolers in a pee infested nast hole.  

It gets better.  About 15 minutes into this whole ordeal, one of my students informs me that he thinks he's going to be sick.  Awesome.  But, all is well because he has a trashcan, the kids also inform him that there is a bathroom, so I think I'm in the clear.  

FALSE.  Not three minutes later he comes over and tells me he's going to be sick.  No biggie. I tell him to just go in the bathroom and take care of his problem.  

No Dice Amigo.  

"Ms. Kinney. I can't go to the bathroom in there." 

"Why?"

"Um. There are shorts in the toilet." 

"Wha?" 

And there were. Shorts in the toilet.  

Alright. So I tell him to go use the garbage can.  He says he can't...that he's not going throw up, rather he needs to do something else.  Crap. Literally. 

So I did what every good teacher does. I sent him into the potentially tornado ridden hallway.  Don't worry. I told him if he suspected tornadic activity to just cling to the toilet since they're piped into the ground.  

Moral of the story: Better to brave a twister than crap your pants in front of your 25 of your fellow classmates.  

Peace, Love and Funnel Clouds, 

Claire 

Some Things to Consider: 

- Owen is getting declawed tomorrow and I'm starting to feel really guilty about it...of course as I type this, he's biting my hand.  Too bad I can't have him deteethed.  

- State testing starts in a week.  Next week is spirit week for testing.  You thought spirit week was just for homecoming and athletics? FALSE alarm.  I am already pumped for Tacky Tuesday.  Cha Ching. 

On the Royal Wedding

If you hadn't heard...Prince William is getting married.  To a "middle class" girl. AKA. A millionaire who isn't inbred.  AKA She isn't royal.  Now. Call me cynical..and I admittedly am...but this whole shenanigan just seems a little ridiculous.  We are supposed to drop everything we're doing, wake up at the BUTT CRACK OF DAWN (coverage for this bad boy starts at 4 am friday, FOUR AM!) to watch a balding, reltively unattractive man get married in a wedding that holds a price tag so large it could probably feed all of Africa for the rest of the century.  

I love watching the today show.  The headlines go something like this: The earthquake destroyed Japan, crazy nuclear disaster.  Libya is cray cray, what the crap is going on? Gas prices are so high you're probably going to need to take out a second mortgage. WHAT DESIGNER IS KATE MIDDLETON GOING TO WEAR AT HER WEDDING??? OMG!! I LOVE THE ROYAL WEDDING!!!!! 

Also. Really TLC? I have always counted on your for something to watch if nothing else is on.  Now if I want to watch you, my only option involves watching normally respectable people start drooling and awing over these two getting married.  WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL? WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THE BRITISH MONARCHY? I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 

Maybe this all stems back to the fact that my dad never called me his little princess and I have never had dreams of marrying a prince.  Let's be real...it all sounds pretty miserable.  Everyone freaking out all the time over what you're wearing...risking your life every time you walk out the door because some manic photographer is trying to get a picture of you in your sweat pants so he can retire to Jamaica. This stuff is a crazy biz.  

Ah well. Rant over. 

Peace, Love and the Common Man, 

Claire