The Single Stigma

The world is built for two people (or four, or six…basically any even number).  If you want evidence of this, go to any restaurant and ask for a table for 5 (uhhh…do you want a chair on the end of a booth?).  Growing up in a family of 5, I am keenly aware that having an odd person can be difficult, which was maybe God’s way of preparing me for the years I am spending as a single young adult. 

The world likes things to be even.  Everyone should have a partner.  If you have been single for any amount of time, it is easy to feel like the proverbial zit on an otherwise smooth complexion (I don’t think that’s actually proverbial…but it sounded cool, so I went with it).  They don’t call it third (or fifth, or seventh…or for me in one terrible case in college, ninth) wheeling for nothing.  You don’t fit and it’s easy to feel like garbage about this because with one swoop of their dinner for two pizza special that you end up eating by yourself, American society has effectively made you feel worthless and that is far from the truth. 

As a Christian raised in the church, at this point I could talk to you about Paul and how he was single (the one anecdote and lesson churches ever have for single people, “See! Being single is so great! Paul loved being single!”  “Are you single?” “Well no… but PAUL was!”), but I’ll be honest…I’m not Paul.  I am not traveling all over the Middle East telling churches how to get it together.  I don’t have a great little disciple named Timothy to follow me around and make it not so weird for me when I want to stop at Cracker Barrel on the road for some hummus and pita (would Paul eat hummus and pita? It’s Mediterranean).  Instead, we are made to feel uncomfortable sitting by ourselves at a table for two, pretending there are a zillion texts and emails to respond to on our phone, because we didn’t feel like going through the drive through for the 900^th time and hiding our single leprosy.

So single people of the world, here is my charge to you.  STOP.  Stop hiding because you are by yourself.  Stop going to the drive through instead of going inside to eat because you feel weird sitting there alone.  Stop not going to see a movie you want to see because you feel weird going to the theater alone.  Stop not doing things you want to do because you don’t have someone to do it with.  Life is too short for that mess.  And for the rest of you non-singles, don’t stare at us, or pity us when we’re out and about by ourselves (you probably actually don’t do this, but in single people’s heads you do). 

I recently decided that I was tired of waiting around for a partner to do fun things with.  I like to travel and as a teacher, I certainly have ample time in which to do it, but I lack a boyfriend/husband/lover and any friends with such an accommodating job.  So as I sat in my apartment on Saturday evening of spring break, I thought… man I would love to be spending the week at the beach, too bad I don’t have anyone to go with.  I started thinking about this.  Why is it necessary for me to have a traveling companion? I’m not going to Syria, I’m going to Florida…a land full of senior citizens.  The reality of the situation was that the only reason I wasn’t going on vacation was because I didn’t have anyone to go with.  So on Saturday night, I found a condo and a flight and I peaced out on Sunday afternoon.  I know I didn’t solve world hunger or figure out how to get America out of debt, but for this single girl, it was extremely liberating.  I don’t have to wait.  My life doesn’t start when I get married! I don’t know why it has taken me so long to come to this conclusion, but man! It feels awesome to have figured that out!

I recently wrote a blog post about sex and how Christian culture perceives it.  I had so many great comments from people and basically you all just made me feel awesome about life and a lot better about the fact that I just told the world (well...not the world, but the 400 people who read it) some very personal details about myself.  Thanks for that!  One of the comments left on my blog was from a girl I used to work with, Kristin, and her words were a HUGE point of clarity for me.  She wrote,

 “So often we feel like we are not living up to our potential when we are single. When scriptures like "2 are better than one" are read at weddings and everyone we know is completing their own, new families. Thank you for reminding me that no matter my circumstance, I have the same purpose as anyone else.” 

Actually, Kristin, thank YOU for teaching me that! There is not a day that has gone by where I have not thought about these words.  I have the same purpose as everyone else.  Sitting alone at Cracker Barrel, booking a condo on the beach for one, going to a movie I really want to see that no one else does…I have the same purpose as everyone else.  So.  Let’s stop the single stigma and just get to doing life the way we were called to do it, because it’s too short not to.