No Day But Today....

Now granted...my title is a quote from Rent...and I just got back from seeing Les Mis...and in musical world...I can't think of two more opposing compositions...regardless...it was DEFINITELY an interesting day.

Why you may ask?

Well friends, I am no longer a robbery virgin. The thieves (or thief...but it my head there are two of them) came in the night...but they DEFINITELY did not come like Jesus did to save the world...instead they came to take my car and generally wreak havoc on the already pretty bleak situation that is The Whale (aka my bright blue, Suzuki Aerio with numerous bumper stickers).

Let me walk you through this process:

1. Get in car. Sit down. Look to my right...think, "dang...that's a lot messier than I thought I left that...and sheesh...I haven't seen that old wallet in years."
2. Think to myself, "Wait...how did that get there?"
3. Swear
4. Notice faceplate of stereo on my seat...try to put it back on my stereo...no dice. the latch is broken (come on guys...there's an eject button for those things...)
5. Swear and check the backseat to see if intruders are still there.
6. Leave for School...because afterall...I still have to get there...
7. Call my mom
8. Talk about how I don't think anything is gone except my broken stereo...my mom responds..."they were probably looking for electronics."
9. I look down...GPS is M.I.A.
10. Grunt in frustration
11. Hang up with mother...drive in silence because of broken stereo situation...
12. Get to school...try to get my act together...notice my missing coin jar.
13.Think about the fact that I'm sad to have had all my souvenir Belize and Guatemala money stolen.
14. Think harder and picture the intruders trying to give Quetzal and Belize dollars to drug dealers.
15. Laugh. Hard.
16. Look down in my seat and realize they left me a present, that is currently residing under my rear end...wire cutters. Thanks Guys! I've always wanted a pair!!


It's all good though because I told my students about this situation...they offered to form a gang to go after them...they said they would ride into Lexington on their cows....that'll show em'!

Here's hoping they were stealing to feed their starving families (It's possible...Jean val Jean did it in Les Mis).

Peace, Love and Wire Cutters,
Claire

Some Things to Consider:

1. If I were going to rob a car...it definitely wouldn't be mine...those boys (look at me making gender stereotypes...sorry...or girls) had to dig through some MAJOR crud to get to the GPS, including but not limited to Socks, feminine products, about a billion fast food wrappers, some toiletries and the normal snow care junk)...they definitely had a rough path in front of them.

2. Les Mis was probably the best $25 dollars I have ever spent. Seriously. WOW.

Baby it's the Freakin' Weekend...

Well. I just returned (I mean literally 5 minute ago) from probably one of the top ten weekends of my life. Maybe that's an over statement...but I really don't think so.

Best Friends. 6D glasses. Southern Accents. Cuddles. Laughs. 8 hours in the car. 5 stop road trip. Creeping...

It just doesn't get much better.

Just for the record...I'm pretty sure my friends are better than yours. If nothing else...we are definitely weirder...

Abstinence: Part II

No Sex Sam: Some of the consequences of using alcohol include cirrhosis of the liver, irregularity of menstrual cycles for women and impotence for men.

Student: Um...what's impotence?

No Sex Sam: It's like the lack of ability to be aroused. Like you're not turned on any more (good thing yesterday's student wasn't in here...could have struggled to understand)

Student: Oohh. So like they turn gay?

No Sex Sam: Ummm. No.

If Ya Like It Then You Shoulda Put a Ring on It...

Well friends...

Abstinence training has come to 8th grade science. Let me just tell you, this could possibly be the best week of my life. Naturally, I was thrilled to hear that someone else would be teaching my class for an entire week while I catch up on my grading and fiction reading...little did I know that it would also be a comic gem. I forget how awkward 8th graders (well let's be real here...really the whole world) are about SEX (that's right...I said it....unlike my kids...who really struggle to say the word). A few quotes (keep in mind we are only on day 1 here...there are FOUR left).

Student: Uhh. Miss Kinney...is that guy coming to talk about the dirty stuff on Monday?
Me: You mean SEX!?
Student: Sheeeshhh!! You don't have to say it!!

Abstinence Sam (named has been changed for protective purposes): SO. Boys are more likely to have sex because they want to impress their friends or because they are just turned on.
Student: Um. What do you mean by turned on?
Abstinence Sam: You know...turned on.
Student: But what does that mean? (He is getting VERY VERY red)
Abstinence Sam: Ummm. Like aroused...he wants to have sex with a girl.
Student: Oh. OOOHHHH...

All I can say is...you know a class period is going to be good when some of the first words out of the instructor's mouth are oral and anal sex.

Claire

Some Things to Consider:
1. I have figured out how to make my students shut up. Just mention sex. They can't even look at each other when that word is said.

2. Today I successfully purchased an air filter for my car. I hate going in those places though..they always look at me like I have three heads...it's probably because I had no idea what I was even buying. But all in all...I thought I had a much better showing than the time they asked me to pop my hood and I didn't know how...

Happy Valentine's Day World!

Well. You can imagine that Valentine's day went off with flair in the eighth grade. I'll be honest...I expected sugar crazed children who were too focused on each other and their hormones to focus on Science. I was pleasantly surprised to find them positively angelic...or as angelic as you can really get with a face full of acne and eyes that never seem to grace the front of their heads. I even got a Hello Kitty Valentine's day card and two Valentine's grams...I guess some of these little wonders aren't too proud to show their teachers some love. Maybe I was just caught up in the spirit because I got a delightful surprise from my man of choice. Either way...it was a good day full of PDA, cheap flowers and a LOT of stuffed animals.

On a different note...I was cleaning out some drawers when I found this little gem.

2: Cebo (Note: The colon was actually made of hearts)
Envelope: Makayla (Note: It did not actually say envelope, it was a picture of one)

Yea that last not was really long but one time i wrote one that was 14 pages lol i'm going to do that to you 2 nite i'm going to write you a long note lol it will take you forever to read it but you will be ok lol i'm surprised you actually said that you was going to wright me back o yea and after skewl me and you are goin to walk to the high skewl so i can see meghan if that is okay with yew yea mamaw likes yew that is a good thing. (Note: This is the first period in the entire thing. It was shaped like a heart.) I honestly love you. alot you should know that we been daten for 10 days with a 1 and a 1/2 day breack up but it was stupid if i could i would be with yew 24 7 soo but to nite im going to write you along note lol hilarious i take most of my my time and write you but idc it okay i love yew. well G2G but i loveeeyeww.

P.S. we need to have little nicknames like baby boo care bear sumin like that lol i'm awkward (Note: YES. Yes. you are.)

If you tried to read this but couldn't wade through...make a better effort...it's worth your time. I recommend using the word yea as a period and working from there.

Happy Valentine's Day Lovers!

Claire

Some Things to Consider:

1. Watching Jeopardy tonight: Watson v. Ken v. Brad. Seriously, I am about to pee my pants with excitement. Also. If a human doesn't win this...I'm doing to delve farther into my research on aliens (first instigated because of my new love for books about post apocalyptic worlds with aliens.)
2. Because my man of choice lives in a far away land...I will be enjoying this Valentine's Day with some Jimmy John's, Beer Bread, Cookies, Jeopardy and one of my dearest friends. Awww yeahhh.

Do you recycle?

Today we had a guest speaker come and talk to us about Ecological Footprints and our impact on the earth.

The kids were taking a quiz about their lifestyles.

The question states: How often do you recycle plastic?

Student: "Miss Kinney, sometimes after I drink a bottle a water, my daddy takes the bottle and uses it for dip spit. That's recycling right?"

Uhhhhhh....

Happy Recycling!

Claire

Another Wal Mart Story

I don't know what it is about Wal Mart that brings out the crazy in people...but here is my latest encounter...

I'm walking down the meat isle looking for some ground beef per usual, when something catches my eye.

A couple. Making out. In front of the deli meat. Romantic.

So, I continue walking to the beef (right past these delightful people), when I notice a baby crying in the cart with them.

Recap: Two people, making out while their baby cries in the cart in front of them. They are ignoring the baby.

Finally the baby reaches out and grabs his mothers coat, getting her attention. Finally, the mother takes note of her screaming child, slaps his hand away from her and says, "SHUT UP! YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS!!"

Because obviously a baby would be jealous of his parents making out...

People never cease to amaze me.

Claire